Archive for Insertion

Inserting Derek Jeter into the 20 Basic Plots of All Fiction

New Needs

In 1970, American psychologist Abraham Maslow presented the amended version of his Hierarchy of Needs pictured here. For a number of reasons — like, for example, how slowly retiring Yankees shortstop Derek Jeter hadn’t even been born yet — the work was dismissed as the product of senility. Maslow would die of a heart attack in June of that year, the original iteration of Hierarchy the only one to outlive him.

A black-and-white Gatorade commercial released today, however, confirms what was obvious to the prescient Maslow four decades ago and has become ever more clear during the Captain’s 20-year career — namely, that there seems to exist a deep and pressing need to render into glowing narrative terms the works and days of Derek Jeter.

With a view, then, to helping the whole world perform this vital act more ably, the editors of NotGraphs have produced the following — that is, a summary of Ronald Tobias’s 20 basic plot structures featuring Derek Jeter’s name inserted into all of them, with a view to increasing both the quantity and quality of Jeter narratives of the future.

1. Quest
Derek Jeter searches for something, someone, or somewhere. In reality, he may be searching for himself, with the outer journey mirrored internally. He may be joined by a companion, who takes care of minor details and whose limitations contrast with Derek Jeter‘s greater qualities.

2. Adventure
Derek Jetergoes on an adventure, much like in a quest, but with less of a focus on the end goal or the personal development of Derek Jeter. In the adventure, there is more action for action’s sake.

3. Pursuit
In this plot, the focus is on the chase, with one person chasing Derek Jeter (and perhaps with multiple and alternating chases). Derek Jeter may be often cornered and somehow escape, so that the pursuit can continue. Depending on the story, Derek Jeter may be caught or may escape.

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Inserting Things Between Yasiel Puig and a Dog: My Face


When I first saw the original photo posted by Erik Malinowski, I had but one thought; This is a situation in which I would like to take part.

And through the magic of photo-manipulation software, I was able to simulate such a scenario. Does this image encapsulate the feeling of actually being in said situation? It’s hard to say. I would not care for my head to be removed and shrunken in such a way, I can tell you that. But otherwise, this photo pleases me.

This has been Inserting Things Between Yasiel Puig and a Dog.

Inserting Bo Porter’s Name into Common Computer Prompts


Your Bo Porter did not shut down correctly. Would you like to run diagnostics on your Bo Porter?

Your Bo Porter has installed updates and needs to restart. Would you like to restart now?

Bo Porter quit unexpectedly. Would you like to send an error report?

Bo Porter is currently running in incognito mode.

Press Bo Porter to run in safe mode.

Another instance of Bo Porter is already running.

Your Bo Porter battery is critically low. Please find a power source.

Bo Porter has become unresponsive. Would you like to stop, or wait for Bo Porter to respond?

404: Bo Porter not found.


Stack Bo Porter overflow.

Bo Porter was unable to detect your keyboard.

Your Bo Porter is low on memory. Save your files and close or restart any open programs.

Bo Porter would like to access your location.

Inserting Baseball into the Most-Viewed Times‘ Articles

This beautiful and autumnal neighborhood is almost certainly populated by Times‘ readers.

Demographic research conducted by Media Matrix suggests that the average reader of the New York Times online is 47, well educated, and earns approximately $75 thousand per annum.

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Inserting Neighborhoods Into the Neighborhood Play

MLB: ALCS-Boston Red Sox at Detroit Tigers

The neighborhood play has received some attention as of late. But if you look at that neighborhood … kinda boring right? Let’s spice it up by inserting famous neighborhoods into said neighborhood play. Read the rest of this entry »