Archive for Investigative Reporting Investigation Team

Photo: Rob Neyer’s Citizens Bank Park Veggie Dog Captured Using Instagram

Because the original didn’t do Rob Neyer’s veggie dog any justice. At all.

NotGraphs’ Investigative Reporting Investigation Team has confirmed that Neyer, upon receiving his veggie dog, was wished, “Bon appétit.” They really know how to make you feel at home in Philadelphia.

H/T: Rob Neyer, who is better than me, than you, than all of us.


Yo La Tengo’s Ira Kaplan Is a Mets Fan

I set up an interview with Ira Kaplan of Yo La Tengo to figure out how much of a Mets fan he was. If you know the story of the band’s name, you know that there’s a link to the team. And there are a few other clues that link the band to the hapless Mets. But every fan has a different level of engagement with the sport.

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Poll: Nick Swisher: Koopa Troopa, or Toothless Codger?

In a single plate appearance versus Reds’ right-hander Homer Bailey last night (a three-pitch strike-out), Indians OF/1B/DH Nick Swisher displayed behavior that set off red alerts in the NotGraphs Investigative Reporting Investigation Team’s Office for Investigating Player Alter-Egos. The NIRIT (pronounced nee-reet) OIPAE (pronounced oy-pay) has gathered the following footage and have noted possible alter-egos for Mr. Swisher based on that footage.

EXHIBIT A:
Footage Suggesting a “Koopa Troopa” Alter-Ego for Mr. Swisher

EXHIBIT B:
Footage Suggesting a “Toothless Codger” Alter-Ego for Mr. Swisher

Now the OIPAE needs your help, dear NotGraphs gumshoes. Which alter-ego do you think is more like for Mr. Swisher based on the given visual evidence?


Eight Popular and Not Fake Baseball Drinking Games

Party
The Leaders of Tomorrow work hard and play harder and smile hardest.

Because both (a) life is a cavalcade of miseries and (b) alcohol famously offers consequence-free relief from said miseries, it follows that (c) no further incentives need exist for its (i.e. alcohol’s) consumption.

And yet, it is not uncommon to find — in particular, among the Leaders of Tomorrow — to find games designed to facilitate and make more amusing the consumption of alcoholic beverages.

Below are eight examples of real baseball-related drinking games discovered by the present site’s Investigative Reporting Investigation Team and not actually just invented right now by the author, sitting at his dumb writing table.

1. Take a small sip of chablis for every infield fly hit by Joey Votto. (Note: for light drinkers.)

2. Drink a beer for every mention of FanGraphs on a Cubs television broadcast.

3. During a Dodgers home broadcast, take a sip every time you secretly wish Vin Scully would hold you and whisper that everything is okay before commencing a meaningful anecdote about Sandy Koufax.

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The Rookie Gaffe

In general, I feel okay in the clubhouse. Obviously, I’m the low man on the pole, and when I get the brush off, it’s fine. Nobody knows who I am. I understand. And when I feel a little awkward standing there fiddling with notes among half-dressed young men, I just have to look around and look at how awkward half the rest of the room feels and I’m more comfortable again. At least I’m not lugging heavy television equipment around or tugging at a tie.

All of that is not to say that I didn’t feel my heart in my shoes on Monday night in the Padres clubhouse:

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In my defense, dude’s mustache is a full beard now, and he wasn’t sitting at his own locker. But, yeah. Still. I know. I know.


Spotted: Tampa Bay’s Most Elaborate Defensive Shift Yet

Johnson 1

One might suppose, looking at the graphic here of Tampa Bay’s defensive alignment from their game earlier on Sunday against Oakland, that Sun Sports’ producers have made an error of some sort.

In fact, that isn’t the case. Instead, what we have here is an entirely accurate representation of the Rays’ most extreme and creative shift to date — one which requires not one, but two, Kelly Johnsons.

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Another Offensive Indians Logo

Today I encountered yet another visual affront to my native American heritage. Behold the official Cleveland Indians Twitter page:

Indians Twitter

Yes. That’s right. THIS is their profile photo:

Indians logo

Hey, Indians, when you’re done relieving yourself all over my genetic history, why don’t you command your platoon of interns to find maybe a slightly higher quality photo for your Twitter account? Maybe then you could have more followers than, I dunno, the media-powerhouse Minnesota Twins (not a media powerhouse).

“But Bradley, you are only 1/64 Native American. Why do you care about the Indians insulting Indians?”

Okay, okay, which of your ancestors could you do without? Huh!? Maybe we should start snipping unimportant relatives from your family tree. OH, THAT’S RIGHT, THEN YOU’D NEVER BE BORN, HUH?! Just because I’ve got a gallon of hot German blood firing through my arteries and capillaries doesn’t mean the four ounces of Native American blood is pressed up against the wall, being asked for papers.

Fix the logo, Indians.


What Was Your ERA, Nerd?

It was just a few days ago that we asked, “What Was Your Slash, Nerd?” The results are in. The average NotGraphs slash?

.275/.400/.403

And if we remove the accidental repeat entries, the oh-so-clever “bradley woodrum’s butthole” entries, the incomplete entries, and the obvious lie entries, we get a more believable, but not-too-different:

.252/.393/.376

All walks, little power? I believe it.

Today, let’s give the pitchers a look. So be honest, give us your best recollection of your high-school-and-higher numbers. No slow-pitch softball, please:


Slideshow: Future Josh Reddick in the Future

Josh Reddick, who hit his first home run of the season just minutes ago (box), has drawn some attention this spring for his rather convincing impression of a feral human man — in particular, with regard to the hair and beard part of his body.

“What will he look like when’s older, though?” is a question the reader has definitely asked himself, for the purposes of this post.

With a view to answering that exact question, the editors of the present site either did or did not travel into the future, collect images of Josh Reddick, and return to 2013. They either did or did not then organize five of those same images into the form a of a slideshow.

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Important Bat-Flip Coverage: Evan Gattis’ Inaugural Homer

Gattis Flip 1

For all of the digital ink that has been spilled this offseason with regard to Atlanta catcher/outfielder/noted cast member of 1969 film Easy Rider Evan Gattis, little has been written about the private checklist he maintains for every plate appearance, the contents of which has been recovered by our Investigative Reporting Investigation Team and reproduced below (and each particular of which we see him fulfilling in the GIF embedded here while hitting his first major-league home run tonight).

To wit:

Checklist