Archive for Jersey Edit

Dodger “Catharsis of Shirts” Continues

Think of the great miseries of humankind — war, famine, disease, Delta Airlines, Kid Rock — and how we as a people coped with them. Yep: witticisms on shirts. Even our hairy, slope-headed forgoers transferred their ironic cave etchings to the wrinkled pelts of the gomphotheres. They said things like, “My Milkshake Brings All the Homo Neanderthalensises to the Yard,” and “I Caught Crabs at the Patagonian Ice Cap During a Brief Respite in the Sub-Continental Permafrost.”

Fast forward to the current day and time, and you’ll find that Dodger fans, crippled by the misdeeds of America’s Worst BusinessmanTM, are turning to the shirt to help them through the various stages of grief and spittle-flecked rage. First came this, and now comes a more direct assault on the author of their miseries …

My only hope is that in 25 years, these will be the Dodgers’ throwback jerseys.

(Shirt tip: Biz of Baseball)


The End of All Jersey Edits

We have a category called “Jersey Edit.” I speak with a Puritan’s certainty when I say it is now safe to retire the category “Jersey Edit” …

(High-interest loan of thanks to the Dodger Divorce Twitter feed.)


Irony in Sportswear

I’d like to begin by sharing a little story, in light of Dayn’s earlier ruminations on the subject of jerseys. Once I found myself on the streets of Incheon, South Korea, ambling through the busy alleys and marveling at the pernicious weed that is capitalism. It was at this time that I came across a store stocked entirely with baseball jerseys. No knockoffs, these uniforms had stitched lettering and all the amenities one looks for in a piece of cotton. Among the three I chose was branded with the name “Kendall”.

When I returned home that night, I was shocked and dismayed to learn that the Pirates jersey was of the sleeveless variety. This was a risk I had not even thought to assess, and I swore to return to the shop and exchange it. But the store had vanished; it was as if the whole affair was some sort of monkey’s-paw cliché, and I would end up making eighteen wishes, each more damning than the last. After wandering the nameless streets we finally did find the store, decked out completely in basketball regalia. Would they exchange my armless jersey? I asked. No, they said. They did not sell baseball jerseys, they said. They sold basketball jerseys. I could not prove them wrong, and so to this day Jason Kendall’s name hangs in my closet.

I tell this tale not only in a desperate attempt to entertain, but also to raise a vital question: what, in 2011 terms, is my Pirates jersey worth? One must admit that it wields the benefit of insulating one’s shoulders and torso, if not the upper arms. The ethical question of sportswear is, I think, a tired one: we have had enough of people telling us whether it is acceptable for grown men and women to wear jerseys. The fan jersey now rests on the same cultural footing as Bud Light Lime, reality television, and the wave. Like it or not, it’s not going away.

Meanwhile, we live in a conflux where fashion will soon descend upon itself, consuming its own tail like an ouroboros. Everything will be both fashionable and unfashionable at the same time, and taste and irony will meet on the event horizon. We are not there yet. There are still some jerseys that fall between, and evoke neither the glory of success nor the wry wit of failure: the Chris Davis jersey, for example, or a Mets Brad Emaus uniform. But just as in life and The Room, if one sinks low enough (and patronizes thrift stores) one can find true brilliance. What better way to celebrate absurdity than a Mike Piazza Marlins jersey? Or an authentic Jeff Francoeur?

But what of Jason Kendall?  Was he good enough in his prime to merit recognition?  Was he awful enough in his thirties to be funny?  Should the jersey be permanently dirt-stained, to confer the appropriate level of grit and heart?  It’s a question each of you as Americans must decide.  And if you do think it’s worth wearing, I could probably find one to sell you.


Jersey Edit Most Pleasing

What follows is apparently not entirely new to the Internet, but it’s new to me, which is why I’m bothering conjuring this image. It is a personalized jersey, which is a thing about which I’m not entirely sure how I feel. Is it silly-britches? A sign of arrested personhood? Utterly harmless? Actually, yes, it’s utterly harmless, but I don’t indulge in the practice, which is tacit disapproval of a kind, no?

But whatever my feelings about the larger rubric, the personalized jersey below, by whatever standard or measure you wish to apply, is something that warms the cockles of hearts like a puppy made of sunshine who is holding a scalloped-edge, rose-gilded porcelain serving tray filled with delicious gooseberry muffins …

Gooseberry muffins! Nom, nom, nom!


A Hat So Bad It’s Good


Yes, yes, I believe that’s mesh.

Anyone that is a fan of trashy cinema is familiar with the concept. Sometimes, something is so bad that it turns around and is good again. Call it the Last Action Hero law. The Snakes on a Plane law if you’re not into the Gubernator these days.

It looks like the rule applies to some baseball uniform choices as well.

Read the rest of this entry »


T-Shirt Wars


What a Salvo.

It all started so innocently. Or, as innocent as intense sartorial mocking can be.

A fan site for the Cardinals posted a great shirt idea:
Mike Leake STOLE THIS SHIRT FOR ME.

The response came quickly, a surgical strike:
Tony LaRussa WALKED THE LINE AND FAILED.

Then the Cardinals site dropped a T-Shirt bomb of snark on their opponents, including the genius above. With the balance now obviously shifted in the battle, perhaps the underdogs need a little help?

Incredibly important note: I am not taking sides in this inevitably long and drawn out battle. I’m just making gentle suggestions from afar. Gentle. Suggestions.

Tony La Russa WANTS TO SEE YOUR BIRTH CERTIFICATE
Colby Rasmus MADE HIS FATHER PUNCH TONY LARUSSA
Ryan Franklin FOUND YOUR LOST SQUIRREL ON HIS FACE
Matt Holliday IS TOO BLAND TO MAKE FUN OF
Lance Berkman ATE YOUR ELVIS


Death To Black Alternate Jerseys: Florida Marlins

Outside of the very rare time when black is actually a significant part of a team’s color scheme (the Chicago White Sox, and to a lesser extent, the Pittsburgh Pirates, who still have no excuse for not bringing back a yellow jersey), the use of the black alternate jersey just screams laziness on the part of the uniform designers. In what way does a black jersey bring out the character of the team? Answer: in no way does a black jersey bring out the character of a team.

My first target is the black uniforms worn by the Florida Marlins, seen here courtesy of Sportslogos.net:

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Theoretical Pittsburgh Pirates Yellow Jerseys

As I detailed in this post on the advent of new yellow (“gold”) uniforms for the Oakland Athletics, I love the idea of yellow as a primary color for jerseys. Along with Oakland, the only other candidate for a yellow jersey would be the Pittsburgh Pirates. After all, they did it in the 1970s.

These are pretty good, I guess. But I think we can do better.

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Yanks’ Unis Get Hilfigered

Tommy Hilfiger, the People’s Preppy, has undertaken a uni reboot for some famous teams, and among those teams is the Yankee-Industrial Complex that is near and dear to us all. Here is what Mr. Hilfiger has wrought:

It’s fine except for the jersey. And what does that jersey even look like? What a failed white rapper would wear to rehab? Something off the back of a member of the soda-jerk’s local? I have no idea.

(Hat tip: Me. Because I found this on the Internet.)

Also:


Skin-Tight Uniforms for Baseball?


Fierce or friendly?

Since we’re at the forefront of uniform reporting here at NotG, this little gem couldn’t co un-discussed. According to Yahoo’s Ball Don’t Lie blog, it seems the NBA will give its players the option of wearing only a skin-tight compression tank as the top portion of their uniform. The players wear the tight tanks anyway, so why not give them the option of changing it up?

This is, of course, in line with most fashion trends (and even sport fashion trends – see football jerseys), but there’s more going on here. It’s another chance for the apparel manufacturers to make more money and for the NBA’s stars to show off their physiques. Of course, they might have a problem suiting up Shaquille O’Neal, but hence the ‘optional’ portion of the decision. The NBA also is famous for tinkering with the game in the D-League and All-Star game, so this is just another example of forward thinking.

The obvious question from your NotG correspondent is if this would work for baseball. From a game play standpoint, it would make HBP decisions easier and could make swinging easier. And it would be interesting to see Manny Ramirez turn in his baggy get-up for a slim-fitting situation. But the baseball fan base is probably a little more conservative when it comes to game play and uniforms, so it doesn’t seem likely that this development hops sports.

And one last problem with the idea. Baseball players may be in better shape than they are given credit for, but there are still some outliers. Those outliers (saaay… C.C. Sabathia) might make us shudder if they put on the skin-tight tee. So, file under “maybe not.”