Archive for MLB TeeVee

Baseball Fills the Fall TV Schedule

A bunch of the new fall series are about baseball!

Bad Judge, starring Kevin James as a big league umpire who’s legally blind.

Forever, starring Julio Franco as a baseball player who never dies.

The McCarthys, a reality show following Brandon McCarthy and his family (hey, I’d watch that!).

Red Band Society, about a marching band that follows the Reds on all of their road trips (wow, I’m really stretching here).

and

The Mysteries of Laura, about why the closest thing I can find to a baseball player with a name sort of like Laura is some guy named Lauro Ramirez who is pitching in the Mexican League.

“Any new shows that you’re looking forward to, readers?” is my blatant attempt to salvage a very short post by inviting lots of comments! (Hopeless Joe will have his take on the new fall season next week, after he finishes the sixteen episodes of Chopped taking up all of the space on his DVR.)


MLB Summer TV Preview

MLB Network presents a brand new slate of shows this summer designed to take your mind off the fact that every pitcher on your favorite team is undergoing Tommy John Surgery.

From the makers of Grey’s Anatomy and So You Think You Can Dance… it’s the brand-new SO YOU THINK YOU CAN THROW A BASEBALL 95 MILES AN HOUR AND NOT END UP HAVING ELBOW SURGERY? Follow three thousand young pitching hopefuls as one by one by fifty by two hundred, they all end up blowing out their elbows and having Tommy John Surgery. Will their surgery be performed by renowned surgeon Dr. James Andrews… or will they draw the “wild card” and have their procedure performed by a nine-year-old boy who saw a video on YouTube about how to do a ligament replacement? You’ll have to watch to find out!

It’s not just a Mets pitching prospect about to undergo an MRI on his elbow… and it’s not just a former closer now pitching for the Cardinals’ AAA team in Memphis… it’s both, on SYNDERGAARDSMA, the impossible story of two pitchers, two dreams, and at least one Tommy John surgery between them, if not more to come. Do you have extra vowels and no uniform to sew them onto? Then you have to call… SYNDERGAARDSMA.

Have you ever wondered about the life of a brand-new hitting coach you’ve never heard of, just hired to replace some other guy you never heard of, trying basically to avoid calling attention to himself and staying out of David Wright’s way? Then you’ll want to DVR every episode of LAMAR! Lamar Johnson, an instructor in the Mets’ system since 2005, just brought up to the big leagues, because what isn’t interesting about a hitting coach for a team that’s probably not going to do very well no matter who the hitting coach is? Will he prefer sunflower seeds, or bubble gum? Gatorade, or water? Wilmer Flores, or Ruben Tejada? Does any of this matter?

What do you get when you combine a White Sox first-year phenom, and a should-be-Hall-of-Famer who probably ought to have retired already? It’s ABREU TIMES TWO, as Jose and Bobby team up to hit home runs (Jose) and, uh… fight crime? (Bobby, I guess.) Is the game on the line? You want Jose! Is there, um, a flood in the bathroom? Maybe Bobby can help. Or at least let you use his cell phone. Trying to intimidate the opposition? Jose! Need to fill out some forms to activate your Social Security? I think Bobby would probably have a better handle on that.

Finally, we’re putting a camera in Manny Ramirez’s hair, and following him around, on HE’S A PLAYER-COACH? REALLY? Are you as confused as I am? Actually, why don’t the Mets hire him as their hitting coach and actual major-league outfielder? No? That isn’t a good idea? Are you sure?


Miguel Cairo Falls Prey to The Move

We’ve all encountered it at some point in our lives: in little league, the playground at recess, during our short stint playing alongside Daryle Ward in independent ball. The situation: you’re running to first, and standing in your way is the first baseman, ball in glove, ready to apply the tag. As you run forward, you wait for the exact moment and then make The Move, also known as the Top Gun move: hit the brakes and watch them fly right by. A quick feint to our left, the fielder stumbles forward, chagrin already dawning upon him, as you sidestep and proceed down the line. You reach first safely, the crowd cheers and throws down roses, and a sandwich is named in your honor.

Of course, the move has never worked for you. Nor has it ever worked for me. The probable reason: you have never tried it against Miguel Cairo. From last night’s Reds-Phillies game, bottom of the ninth, man on first:

There’s just so much happening in those first ten seconds. To recap:

Read the rest of this entry »


Reclaiming Bacon Thanks to Josh Reddick

No, we’re not eating reclaimed bacon here, that would be gross. We’re reclaiming bacon for Oakland. Like Josh Reddick, bacon is now the property of this city. If you’d like to eat any, pay us our copyright fees and we’ll be fine. We’re working on fried chicken, and also all of Reddick’s different facial hair looks. Better watch out, especially if you call Reddick a fourth outfielder again.


MLB TeeVee: Will (Clark) and (Mark) Grace

This is the eighth in a series of short excerpts from MLB Network’s entirely imaginary new fall sitcoms. More details here.

Today’s show: WILL (CLARK) AND (MARK) GRACE

Read the rest of this entry »


MLB TeeVee: The Big Hurt Theory

This is the seventh in a series of short excerpts from MLB Network’s entirely imaginary new fall sitcoms. More details here.

Today’s show: THE BIG HURT THEORY

Read the rest of this entry »


MLB TeeVee: Diff’rent Smoaks

This is the sixth in a series of short excerpts from MLB Network’s entirely imaginary new fall sitcoms. More details here.

Today’s show: DIFF’RENT SMOAKS

Read the rest of this entry »


MLB TeeVee: Two and a Half Nen

This is the fifth in a series of short excerpts from MLB Network’s entirely imaginary new fall sitcoms. More details here.

Today’s show: TWO AND A HALF NEN

Read the rest of this entry »


MLB TeeVee: Saved By Heath Bell

This is the fourth in a series of short excerpts from MLB Network’s entirely imaginary new fall sitcoms. More details here.

Today’s show: SAVED BY HEATH BELL

Read the rest of this entry »


MLB TeeVee: Leave It To Weaver

This is the third in a series of short excerpts from MLB Network’s entirely imaginary new fall sitcoms. More details here.

Today’s show: LEAVE IT TO WEAVER

Read the rest of this entry »