Archive for News About News

French Baseball: Rouen’s Tunnels de Frappe Nearly Done

Tunnels 2

“What do the people want?” the author has asked himself today. And: “When do they want it?” is another thing he’s wondered.

“French baseball news updates,” is the answer that’s presented itself. And: “Now,” appears to be the moment at which that sort of information would be most welcome.

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A New Party Platform: Actual, Visible, Actual Change

Owing mostly to his fondness for the MLB Network, but also to his chameleonic ability to shift his political passions to exciting new ideologies, serial presidential hopeful Bob Davis has announced his formal departure from the Ain’t No Party Like A West Coast Party Party to become, in his words, “your Change of Scenery candidate.”

Said Davis at his announcement, held in the alley behind a Detroit Taco Bell: “As Joe Saunders will soar from the ashes of a 5.26 ERA, and as Mark Trumbo will rise Phoenix-like – ha! pun intended! – from a season that wasn’t quite good enough to prevent my using it in the example that I am now articulating to you, I will change America – for the better! – by employing – nay, celebrating! – the very motif – fancy word! – of Change of Scenery, or my name isn’t David Hasselhoff.

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NotGraphs PSA: Spring Broadcasts Begin Tomorrow

Schedule

It’s not for the present author to say whether the reader should or shouldn’t click upon, and therefore embiggen, the image embedded above. What such a reader would find upon so doing, however, is a lightly annotated version of tomorrow’s (Wednesday’s) MLB.TV schedule — which schedule reveals that, indeed, three spring-training games are available for consumption by the capital-P People.

Among the players expected to appear, for example: the very curious Trevor Bauer (for Cleveland) and very promising Joc Pederson (for the Los Angeles Nationals) and not actually that Italian Tony Cingrani (for Cincinnati).


Interview with Definitely a Real Scientist re: Jeter’s Teflon Image

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Derek Jeter‘s 20th major-league season will be his final one, the Yankees shortstop announced recently. As Mike Lupica noted in a stirring piece of investigative journalism from 2007 — and as Bradley Woodrum has elsewise confirmed in these pages just today — the Captain seems strangely immune to bad press. NotGraphs spoke with definitely a real scientist from American chemical company DuPont to inquire about their role in Jeter’s impeccable reputation.

For a player with such a long career, under such intense media scrutiny, and with rather a long list of sexy, famous ladyfriends — for all that, Derek Jeter seems to have remained almost entirely free of controversy. DuPont has had something to do with that, I understand.

Yes. We were able to devise a method by which to apply Teflon, our popular non-stick coating for pans, to his public image.

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There’s a Ballpark on Fire, It Would Appear

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According to internet reports and also grainy daguerreotypes like the one embedded here, it would appear as though Fifth Third Ballpark — on the outskirts of Grand Rapids, Michigan, and home to Tigers Midwest League affiliate, the West Michigan Whitecaps — is currently, or has been recently, on fire.

It’s not entirely clear what the proper course of action ought to be for the average citizen. Any demonstration of concern is, at some level, disingenuous — an attempt, like all reactions to news from afar, to participate in a drama that belongs to another community. On the other hand, this is presumably an event that will negatively impact at least one person’s life — and, for that reason, a development that naturally appeals to the human capacity for empathy.

What we know, at the very least, is that a ballpark is on fire. Or has been recently, at least.

Image stolen entirely from Twitter account of John Gonzalez.


Even Today, Big Pun Still Considered Most Valuable Player

Nearly actual reportage conducted by this internet weblog has revealed that, despite his frequent claims to the contrary — distilled to their essence, most notably, in the 1998 hit single embedded here — late Bronx-born rapper Big Pun remains the most valuable player to basically anyone with some combination of (a) ears and (b) a heart.

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Head of Rob Ford Lazily Placed on Body of Eddie Gaedel

I recently Photoshopped the head of Toronto mayor Rob Ford — who’s better known in proper circles as “Melvin Nosotros Good Times” — onto the body of famed baseball halfling Eddie Gaedel. I surveyed my work and thought it stupid.

But then David G. Temple, the handsome Muay Thai expert with wind-swept hair and a far-off look in his eye, posted some Photoshoppage of a pizza on top of Tropicana Field. Upon viewing Mr. Temple’s contributions, I thought, “My dumb work has been sanctioned.”

Here, then, is Toronto mayor Rob Ford’s head sloppily placed on Eddie Gaedel’s body:

Melvin Nosotros Good Times

At this point, the reader will note that, unlike Mr. Temple and his post, I can scarcely be bothered to construct a false meta-narrative around my lousy photo. For I am Dayn Perry, practitioner of lassitude.

In the interest of redemption, though, I leave you with one of the sky-scraping tweets of our century — one that carries with it the whiff of our baseball …


#Hero #NeverForget


Poem with Lines Exclusively by Ken Rosenthal

Rosenthal
Ken Rosenthal has something to say.

Like most men who wear bow-style ties without irony, very spry baseball reporter Ken Rosenthal is not immune to the charms of the beaux arts. As the following poem suggests — composed entirely of lines from his recent dispatch from the front lines of the baseball news cycle — Rosenthal is capable of writing poignant lyrics on the nature of hope even when he appears to be writing just about a hypothetical Cardinals trade for Rockies shortstop Troy Tulowitzki.

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Real News: Tomo Ohka Attempting Comeback as Knuckleballer

A dispatch from Japanese site Nikkan Sports, translated poorly by a computer into English, reports that “Major landlord” has plans on returning to major-league baseball “in full knuckle learning.” A tweet along those same lines — in this case, however, courtesy very polite outlaw Patrick Newman — suggests that what’s actually happening is former Boston and Montreal and Washington and Milwaukee and Toronto and Cleveland right-hander Tomo Ohka, now 37, is attempting a comeback to the majors as a knuckleball pitcher.

Ohka has been pitching of late in Japan’s independent leagues, it would appear. The reader is invited to enjoy recent video footage of him doing precisely that, above — set lovingly, one will note, to a combination of Bush’s 1996 single “Machinehead” and a group of enthusiastic amateur musicians. A second video, in this case from September, depicts Ohka pitching atop an infield composed of what is almost certainly reclaimed coal ash.


Mark DeRosa Surprised to Find Mark DeRosa Still in Majors

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A new discovery has left Mark DeRosa scratching his head.

After sitting down to eat breakfast on Wednesday morning over the previous night’s edition of MLB.com’s FastCast recap program, Toronto area resident Mark DeRosa was surprised to find not only that Mark DeRosa had produced a pair of key hits in the Blue Jays’ 3-2 extra-inning victory over the Baltimore Orioles the day before, but that Mark DeRosa still played baseball at any level at all, let alone the major-league one.

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