Dear Cubs Public Relations,
I have your next seventh-inning stretch singer here. All he requires for his appearance is three tickets to Chicago from California, a sippy cup of milk, and a hot dog (perhaps an adult soda for his handler). He might not start out perfectly, but hey, it’s not like Ozzy Osbourne knew any the lyrics to Take Me Out. And anyway, it’s all about the finish. This candidate finishes with gusto.
If you’d like to book this act, please contact our agent, Banknotes Harper, at the cc’ed address.
Thank you for your attention,