Archive for Spotted

Shin-Soo Choo Probably Endorses My Choice of Meals

Just a stone’s throw north of the city of Seattle, on picturesque Aurora Avenue, dwells a little restaurant by the name of Maru. Inside the tables are made of inconspicuous marble, the free dish of mints are the chocolate-mint kind, and the beer is bottled and fulfills brand expectations. Earnest, weepy K-pop floods through invisible speakers while teenagers pretend to be pre-teens on flat-screen televisions overhead. The atmosphere is peaceful, because families eat in near-silence, bent prostrate over their phones.

I like this place. I order the same meal every time, dolsot bibimbap, which I then drown in hot sauce to hide the taste of the copious and healthy vegetables. I recall the candy they made from the flavor of the burnt rice at the bottom of the stone pots. I use my words of perfect Korean, which include hello, goodbye, thank you, and “where are you going” to my one-year old daughter as she marches laps around the seating area. I drink my Hite beer, crisp as a glass of seltzer water and nearly as flavorful, and feel homesick for the time, ten years ago, when I used to be homesick.

I think of the crowded streets of Busan, a maze of twisty passages, all alike. I think of the ajummas, sweeping the pavement with miniature brooms, or elbowing me in the ribs in subway stations. I think of a market with a plastic bucket full of overturned tiny turtles, some still pitifully waving their limbs in the seaside air. I think of street meat and cicadas and drunken businessmen on morning trains, testing out their English in uncertain terms. I think of a couple, late at night, playing go on the floor of their convenience store, the light behind their profiles spilling out into the midnight blackness, waiting for the last trickle of customers from the bars. I think of street children pointing at my voluntarily-bald head, crying bakbagi, and laughing in fits.

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Spotted: Extended Baseball Metaphor Courtesy Louis CK


Given just a few relevant biographical data points, basically anyone with even just a cursory knowledge of market research could reliably and accurately identify the present author’s tastes — which are little more than a function of his demographic signifiers.

“Wears fashion spectacles,” such a one might suggest. “Prefers natural foods,” that same one would continue. “Unutterably alone,” he or she would rightly conclude.

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The Two Actual Baseball Wagers Available Today

The information you didn’t request. (Click to embiggen.)

As a professional weblogger, it’s the constant task of the present author to ask, and then subsequently answer, the question “For what sort of information would a Worker of the World gladly suspend his labors and provide my particular weblog with a hot internet click?”

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Spotted: French Ad Feat. Baseball Mitt, Shiny Cheeseburger

Shiny Burger
“Even the Americans want to taste it.”

The author encountered this Compelling Advertisement on Thursday while walking along the Rue Ordener.

From it, one is able to infer certain, undoubtedly true facts — namely, that:

  • With regard to bacon, its sheen is of some importance.
  • With regard to fast-foot hamburgers, Americans are the arbiters of taste.
  • Americans, additionally, are be-gloved at all times.

Discovered by Accident: Jeff Francoeur’s Raison d’Être, Maybe


Unlike precisely every other image which appears in these stupid pages, the image that appears on this stupid page was not stolen from the internet but rather captured by the author himself on the streets of Paris by means of an internet-phone-camera.

One finds, while wandering those same streets — in the 18th arrondissement, specifically — one finds Cafe Francoeur, a charming establishment that both (a) features a self-described epicurean menu and also (b) probably serves as free agent Jeff Francoeur‘s raison goddamn d’être that no one knew about before.

But now people know about it, is the point of this weblog post. Like probably every person knows about it now, is the point.

Baseball Players Twerking: Derek Jeter

Derek Jeter is very excited to rejoin the Yankees lineup today.


This has been Baseball Players Twerking.

STUDY: Spiderman Dancing to MLB At-Bat Music


The above is an animation of Spiderman dancing. This has been a bit of an Internet meme, as many people have noticed that, at least in this particular animation, Spiderman will dance properly to almost any song played. The fine people over at the RadioLab radio program have pointed this out, and offer a scientific explanation. I advise reading the article, but essentially, our brain has a bias for things that are in sync, so we tend to focus on the times Spiderman’s dancing lines up with the music and block out the times it doesn’t. This is why it seems that Spiderman always has mad skilz.

I tasked myself with attempting to apply this logic to the music baseball players use whilst walking to the plate to bat. The following is Spiderman dancing to the at-bat music of the top ten batters in baseball, according to FanGraphs WAR.

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Spotted: Comic Sans Font on Major-League Lineup Card

Dbacks Lineup

It is often said — not by the present author, it should be noted, but surely by an elderly writer somewhere with an impressive baritone voice — that baseball is a “child’s game played by grown men,” or something to that effect.

The merits of the sentiment are debatable, of course: leisure oughtn’t necessarily be the provenance of children alone, nor is it right necessarily to suggest that professional baseball is populated exclusively by entirely mature adults.

The finer points of the debate aside, it has become clear in the last hour that certain personnel within the Arizona Diamondbacks organization are committed to celebrating semi-publicly the connection between the innocence of youth and our honored game, which point the club has made implicitly by producing the lineup card pictured above, completed entirely in Comic Sans — i.e The Official Typeface of the Innocence of Youth.

Credit to the gentlemen rock stars of Productive Outs for bringing this image to the author’s attention.

MLB Gameday Scout Explores Own Existential Dread

The Scout feature of’s Gameday service is generally regarded as innocuous, if sometimes less than helpful, by the Baseballing Public.

For reasons that aren’t entirely clear, however, a recent strikeout by A.J. Burnett of opposing pitcher Felix Hernandez prompted the Scout in question to inspect the poorly constructed foundation on which his own assumptions of the world are perilously built.

As the reader will note, the initial comment bears considerable resemblance to the Scout’s usual sort of analysis:

Felix Burnett 1

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Spotted: Run Expectancy Charts During Cubs Broadcast

Because it has pleasantly surprised gentleman statistician Bill Petti, it might very well surprise pleasantly at least one other reader, too, to learn that, in the first inning of today’s Cubs-Mets game, the WGN broadcast presented run expectancy charts for the edification of the Viewing Public.

Like in this instance, for example, with a runner on third, one out, and Anthony Rizzo batting:

RE 1

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