Archive for The Collected Uecker

Audio: Bob Uecker Would Like One or Six Beers

While eventually only losing by a score of 7-6, the Milwaukee Brewers conceded five of the Cardinals’ seven total runs in the first inning of the clubs’ Friday night game in St. Louis (box).

That the evening might be a difficult one was not lost on veteran broadcaster and muscular bodyguard of leisure Bob Uecker, who informed the Listening Public how much beer would be a sufficient amount to bring him peace.

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Audio: Make Checks Payable to Bob Uecker

Bob Uecker would like to remind the listener about the Milwaukee Braves Historical Association’s 15th Annual Testimonial Dinner, to be held on May 6th at the Potawatomi Bingo Casino and honoring former Braves Ray Crone and Frank Thomas.

He would also like to embezzle a little bit.

To wit:
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A Brief and Fictional Account of Meeting Bob Uecker

I was trying to listen to the game, but turned to the station and heard only silence. “Must be a rain delay,” I told my wife, except — and, please note, this is where events skew decidedly fantastic — except it wasn’t my wife in the next room, but radio voice of baseball’s Milwaukee Brewers, Bob Uecker, instead.

“This is clearly absurd,” I said. “You’re supposed to be in Milwaukee, not in my affordable apartment in Madison.” To which sentiment he responded: “Supposed to? I’m 77 years old, man. My only obligation now is to greet the abyss with something not unlike dignity.”

That was a great moment between us — probably one of my top-five as an adult so far, were I to make a list.


In conclusion:

Bob Uecker’s Totally Real Genealogy of Homer Bailey

Most baseball fans will know that Homer Bailey is a right-handed pitcher for the Cincinnati Reds. Fewer — but still many — will know that Bailey was a seventh-overall draft pick out of a Texas high school in 2004 and appeared on Baseball America’s top-100 prospect list four times — including two appearances (in 2007 and -08) in the top 10.

What no one probably knows about, though — or, at least didn’t know before last night’s WTMJ radio broadcast of the Reds and Brewers in Cincinnati — is Bailey’s rich family history.

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Audio: Bob Uecker and Dick Allen Together on Air

Longtime readers of NotGraphs — and also anyone who’s visited NotGraphs even just once in their entire life — will know that, if the present site were to have something in the way of a patron saint, then the leading candidates for that role would be Dick Allen and Bob Uecker, the former because he’s a leisured gentleman; the latter, because he’s an equally leisured gentleman.

Indeed, it should surprise zero of us to learn not only that Allen and Uecker were teammates (for the 1966 and 1967 Phillies), but that they were also (a) close friends, (b) the authors, together, of no little merriment, and (c) the recipients, together, of multiple fines.

The pair reunited on air Sunday, with Allen in Chicago as part of a celebration of the 1972 White Sox (with which team and in which season he won the AL MVP award) and Uecker in Chicago in his capacity as the Brewers’ radio voice.

To say that Allen and Uecker burst into song during the former’s 5th inning appearance on WTMJ Radio would both (a) sound like a flight of whimsy on the part of the author and (b) be an accurate description of what actually happened.

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Bob Uecker Has a Joke About Kauffman Stadium

It’s possible that what Bob Uecker has about Kauffman Stadium is not, in fact, a joke, but rather a witticism. If not a witticism, there’s the off chance that what he has, instead, is either a sally or a bon mot.

Those are all fine. Whatever you do, though, don’t believe anyone who says that what Bob Uecker has about Kauffman Stadium is a quip. It’s not a quip, goddammit. Bob Uecker is better than that.

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Bob Uecker Doesn’t Really Care, Turns Out

Concerned and likely muscular reader Bryan, recognizing that the celebration of Bob Uecker is a cause worth dying and (maybe even more importantly) killing for, has alerted the editors of NotGraphs to some Audio from the Past that will help the advancement of said cause.

The Greek philosopher Epicurus (341 BCE – 270 BCE) teaches us that “If you live according to nature, you will never be poor; if you living according to opinion, you will never be rich.”

In the clip below — from WTMJ Radio’s August 10th, 2011, broadcast of the Brewers and Cardinals at Busch Stadium — Bob Uecker says the same thing, just with different words (all of them to the great pleasure of then-radio partner Cory Provus).

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Bob Uecker Has Some Ideas About Jockey Shorts

In what follows, radio voice of the Milwaukee Brewers Bob Uecker discusses jockey shorts and, before that, a scheme he’s developed for relieving contest entrants of their winnings.

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Bob Uecker on Sunscreen and Where It Shouldn’t Go

Brewers broadcaster Bob Uecker thinks that both Usinger’s Famous Sausage and sunscreen are important things in this life. With regard to them meeting, however, his opinion is that, more or less, never the twain should — if not necessarily in those words.

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Audio: Bob Uecker Will Crush a Bee

In the following clip (from the WTMJ broadcast of Saturday’s Brewers-Twins game), America learns that Bob Uecker loves three things — and only three things — as follow:

1. A Beautiful Spring Day

2. Betterment of Home and Garden

3. Swift Justice


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