Archive for The Mike Shannon Experience

This Is Mike Shannon’s Pencil

This is Mike Shannon’s pencil:

Mike Shannon was here

This is the very pencil that Mike Shannon used to bat .288/.339/.462 during the course of the 1966 season.

This is the very pencil that Mike Shannon used to captain a gondola — a gondola handsomely crafted from the very same pencil — along every nautical spice route. All the while, Raquel Welch felt safe. She found the turmeric soothing.

This is the very pencil that Mike Shannon used, in 1932 in Greenwood, Mississippi, to write the lyrics, “You’re closer to me, baby, than Jesus to the cross.”

This is the very pencil that Mike Shannon, son of Denethor, used to avenge the death of his brother, Boromir. On the plains of Rohan, Mike Shannon and his pencil trenched many an orc.

Mike Shannon’s pencil likes “Disease Monsoon” to place in the third race at Conestoga Park. Mike Shannon’s pencil, without prompting from its master, has made notes to this end in Mike Shannon’s copy of today’s Daily Racing Form, which Mike Shannon’s pencil will later copy and preserve in Mike Shannon’s Scriptorium of Gambling Documents.

This is also the very pencil that Mike Shannon uses to toll the cathedral bells in every belfry across Christendom. The chimes rise and melt to form what sounds like a human voice, what sounds like Mike Shannon’s voice. “Baseball without ceasing,” the voice says.

Sponsor Catch-Phrase Showdown: Mike Shannon vs. That Scott’s Guy

There are two ways to deliver a sponsor catch-phrase. There is the way the ad-agency toadies believe to be the most effective based on focus groups and free associations scrawled on a dry-erase board, and then there is the way that Cardinals Radio Man Mike Shannon knows to be the best because he knows a thing or two about a thing or two. And the Mike Shannon way is to pitch the product like you’re talking up some hubba-hubba dame in the buffet car.

Take Scott’s Turf-Builder, for instance. Here’s the actor they hired to deliver the words upon which the the lives of their children and shareholders depend …

And now here’s Mike Damn Shannon, who, as you can imagine, was through with it before you or anyone else not named Artie Shaw knew what to do with it …

Allow me to answer for you: You prefer Mike Shannon’s golden throat and pitches to whatever that Gaelic beast was trying to perpetrate.