Archive for The Uecker Report

A Brief and Fictional Account of Meeting Bob Uecker

I was trying to listen to the game, but turned to the station and heard only silence. “Must be a rain delay,” I told my wife, except — and, please note, this is where events skew decidedly fantastic — except it wasn’t my wife in the next room, but radio voice of baseball’s Milwaukee Brewers, Bob Uecker, instead.

“This is clearly absurd,” I said. “You’re supposed to be in Milwaukee, not in my affordable apartment in Madison.” To which sentiment he responded: “Supposed to? I’m 77 years old, man. My only obligation now is to greet the abyss with something not unlike dignity.”

That was a great moment between us — probably one of my top-five as an adult so far, were I to make a list.


In conclusion:

Bob Uecker Reveals True Truth of Dempster Trade

For the lay fan, the circumstances surrounding the Ryan Dempster trade (or lack thereof) to Atlanta are what might be called “murky at best.”

For Bob Uecker, however, everything is illuminated — and, just as one wouldn’t hide a light under a bushel, it would be the very picture of absurdity for the author not to share with the readership Bob Uecker’s (and, it should be noted, Joe Block’s) totally accurate and non-fictional report on the trade in question.

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Bob Uecker Has Some Ideas About Jockey Shorts

In what follows, radio voice of the Milwaukee Brewers Bob Uecker discusses jockey shorts and, before that, a scheme he’s developed for relieving contest entrants of their winnings.

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Audio: Bob Uecker Will Crush a Bee

In the following clip (from the WTMJ broadcast of Saturday’s Brewers-Twins game), America learns that Bob Uecker loves three things — and only three things — as follow:

1. A Beautiful Spring Day

2. Betterment of Home and Garden

3. Swift Justice


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Bob Uecker Has the Opposite of Body Dysmorphia

The Brewers are placing a statue of maybe-literally-immortal Brewers broadcaster Bob Uecker outside of Miller Park this summer — nor, if the following tweet from Tom Haudricourt of the Journal Sentinel is any indication, does it appear as though Uecker is bashful about what crowds will see.