Chipper Jones Speaks in Tongues

Bit of old news, but did anyone notice Chipper Jones‘s tweet on August 2? Allow me to remind you:

The tweet begins intelligibly enough. Chipper thinks the Atlanta Braves need a dome; he does not care for lengthy rain delays. Okay, good. Points are clearly, almost cogently expressed.

Then begins the lapse in logic, among other problems.

By “Nothin a couple of 2run dubs wont fix,” do we think Chipper means this: “That I am upset about not having a domed stadium to play in and that I hate rain delays can be remedied by twenty-inch rims on an unspecified automobile if said rims produce two runs”? Or, does the “Nothin” refer to neither the dome nor the rain delay, but instead begin a new, unrelated declaration, i.e. “There is nothing in the world that ‘2run dubs wont fix'”?

Furthermore, do we take “wont” to be “won’t” without an apostrophe? Or do we take it to mean “wont,” i.e. “to make accustomed to” so that the statement now, translated, reads something like this: “There is nothing in the world that twenty-inch rims on an unspecified automobile will make accustomed to fix”? Heady.

The rest of the tweet cannot be parsed by the lay person. Is “Bravos” a misspelling, intentional or not? What is “2.5out”? There are three outs per half inning in baseball. Is 2.5 the “version” of “Bravos,” an app, that he is running on his smartphone? Has Skynet become self-aware and taken over Chipper Jones and all his internetted appendages?

Most likely, IMO, Chipper was inspired — mid-tweet — by something greater: the baseball gods and their earthly arbiters.

The source of Inspired Tweets, by @RealCJ10

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14 Responses to “Chipper Jones Speaks in Tongues”

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  1. busch says:

    Maybe I am lacking a sense of humor at the moment (or you could have picked on of the many other Chipper tweets that were much worse) but:

    2run dubs = 2 run doubles. If his teammates his some 2 run doubles (or he, himself, hits 2 run doubles) then the mood will lighten up.

    Bravos = Braves. Trying to make that in to a joke is a reach IMO.

    2.5out = 2.5 games out of first place.

    With that being said, I offer a better tweet:

    Chipper Jones‏@RealCJ10

    Meep! Meep! Roadrunner comes thru in a pinch! Big Red threw great. Jhey w/ a huge knock to tie. Rossy, Jsoft and Juan came thru in extras!!!

    OR any other tweet he produces.

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  2. Dp says:

    Anyone with even a passing familiarity of Chipper’s hometown of Deland, FL would consider this the most intelligible anyone from Deland has ever sounded. Larry Wayne Jones, Jr., aka The Redneck Rimbaud

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  3. ElJosharino says:

    If you’re not sure about anything you see on Chipper’s Twitter, just fallow Chipper Translator (@WTFChipper)

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    • Undocorkscrew says:

      Chipper’s essentially just making fun of Twitter itself with these tweets, as well as trying to piss off fans of rival clubs. He joined only because there were a number of accounts under his name that were fake. He’s just having fun with it.

      However, it’s just not Deland. It’s all of Florida……

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  4. Kyle says:

    Gonna start saying/using “2run dubs” to an obnoxious degree.

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  5. Jack says:

    Thanks for wasting my time reading this…dude its not even funny ha

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  6. poopchute says:

    c’mon robert j. baumann… you really can’t tell what 2run dubs are? or 2.5 out? really? or freaking bravos? bah

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