Cincinnati Reporter Mistakes Recently-Traded Jonathan Broxton for Run-of-the-Mill Baseballing Doofus

Ian Preuth, a writer for Cincinnati-based ABC affiliate WCPO, has fallen victim to the cacophony that is the ML B trade deadline, fair readers.

The MLB trade deadline rumor mill is a dark place. It is a cavern filled with lies, half-truths, and skullduggery. It is a stone crypt, its cold walls sweating with the acidic juices of misrepresentations and distortions. Ian Preuth has been voted resident dullard of this chasm.

You see, readers, Mr. Prueth was burdened with the simple task of reporting a fairly harmless trade between the Royals of Kansas City and the Reds of Cincinnati. Jonathan Broxton, the slapdash relief pitcher for the aforementioned Royals, was traded to the also-aforementioned Reds.

Mr. Prueth, he of likely poor breeding and undoubtedly a state-school education, was charged with the duty of composing a simple write-up about the transaction. He did an admirable job filling in the necessary details, but he felt something was missing. He wanted to dig deeper into this transaction, to scrape some frost of humanity from the chilling side of baseball we call business. Into the cavern he went.

In what appears to be an endeavor to get the player’s reaction, Mr. Prueth did a search for Mr. Broxton’s Twitter account. He did not find such an account. What he did find was an account for the handle @Brox4AllStarz, an account I know – for a fact, actually – is not Mr. Broxton’s Twitter account. It is a hoax, a ruse, a satirical attempt at humor. One would – and one has, in this case – assume that anyone with a third-grade education could discern that the ramblings in this account do not belong to an actual baseballer, regardless of the steamy inside knowledge possessed by yours truly. Mr. Ian Prueth, a man paid to report on baseball, has no time for such reasoning. Reason is for pussies.

Mr. Preuth, the dunce, chose two excerpts from this account to reference in his article. Behold (full screen-capture available here):

The quotes have since been removed on wcpo.com, presumably by an editor with a non-syphilitic brain.

(h/t to the smart and lovely Cee Angi)

 




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David G. Temple is a systems analyst who writes for FanGraphs, NotGraphs and The Hardball Times. He hosts the award-eligible podcast Stealing Home. He has contributed to The Classical and The Platoon Advantage. Dayn Perry once called him a "Bible Made of Lasers." Follow him on Twitter @davidgtemple.

7 Responses to “Cincinnati Reporter Mistakes Recently-Traded Jonathan Broxton for Run-of-the-Mill Baseballing Doofus”

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  1. Kyle says:

    So awesome. Reason is for pussies, indeed.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  2. RamboDiaz says:

    @Brox4AllStarz : Legit Twitter Accounts :: Preuth : Great Investigative Journalism

    Oh, I’m sorry. I thought we were posting on that analogy thread from a few days ago.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  3. jcxy says:

    this reporter is no jonah lehrer, that’s for sure.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  4. Cy Schourek says:

    Ian Preuth already quit the organization a while ago, this was his last week on the job.

    By all counts, he saw the fake account, realized it was hilarious, realized he already had a job lined up, and put it in because…why not?

    Preuth is an honor to our days and our lives.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  5. radicalhenri says:

    oooooooooooOOOOoooooo. this guy had it right. broxton to reds.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  6. Slacker George says:

    Dear Mr. Temple,

    When you asked Mr. Ian Preuth to comment on your story, what was his response? I didn’t see it included in your article. Did a NotGraphs editor ask you to remove it?

    I look forward to more in-depth reporting on the dullards and syphilitic littering the worldscape.

    Yours,
    Slacker George
    (not my real name)

    Vote -1 Vote +1

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