Ian Preuth, a writer for Cincinnati-based ABC affiliate WCPO, has fallen victim to the cacophony that is the ML B trade deadline, fair readers.

The MLB trade deadline rumor mill is a dark place. It is a cavern filled with lies, half-truths, and skullduggery. It is a stone crypt, its cold walls sweating with the acidic juices of misrepresentations and distortions. Ian Preuth has been voted resident dullard of this chasm.

You see, readers, Mr. Prueth was burdened with the simple task of reporting a fairly harmless trade between the Royals of Kansas City and the Reds of Cincinnati. Jonathan Broxton, the slapdash relief pitcher for the aforementioned Royals, was traded to the also-aforementioned Reds.

Mr. Prueth, he of likely poor breeding and undoubtedly a state-school education, was charged with the duty of composing a simple write-up about the transaction. He did an admirable job filling in the necessary details, but he felt something was missing. He wanted to dig deeper into this transaction, to scrape some frost of humanity from the chilling side of baseball we call business. Into the cavern he went.

In what appears to be an endeavor to get the player’s reaction, Mr. Prueth did a search for Mr. Broxton’s Twitter account. He did not find such an account. What he did find was an account for the handle @Brox4AllStarz, an account I know – for a fact, actually – is not Mr. Broxton’s Twitter account. It is a hoax, a ruse, a satirical attempt at humor. One would – and one has, in this case – assume that anyone with a third-grade education could discern that the ramblings in this account do not belong to an actual baseballer, regardless of the steamy inside knowledge possessed by yours truly. Mr. Ian Prueth, a man paid to report on baseball, has no time for such reasoning. Reason is for pussies.

Mr. Preuth, the dunce, chose two excerpts from this account to reference in his article. Behold (full screen-capture available here):

The quotes have since been removed on wcpo.com, presumably by an editor with a non-syphilitic brain.

(h/t to the smart and lovely Cee Angi)