Classic F__king Brawls: Armando Benitez vs. Everybody

Back in May of 1998, when this unassailable act of prophecy was likely being written, The Orioles and Yankees decided that soup-bones and not bats, balls and gloves would be the determinative instruments of most glorious abandon for God and Country.

First, Armando Benitez, gentleman wildcat, presents us with the casus belli

Benitez de Salvo

Tensions scale tense heights, but a young and coiffed Derek Jeter’s puzzled visage suggests he’s confused as to why they can’t just settle what must settled in the crucible of competitive humping …

Let's have sex with ladies

Soon enough, though, the offending Mr. Benitez gets shit-choked by the wispy spectral presence of Graeme Lloyd …

Maximum Ghost Choke

And then actual, corporeal Graeme Lloyd engages Benitez in a round of unsanctioned Bronx Maximus Slap-Chop …

Bronx Maximus Slap-Chop

Which leads to Darryl Strawberry’s making what is widely known in proper quarters as an Irish Business Decision …

Irish Business Decision

Finally and most grimly, David Cone, to his mounting horror, surveys the Confederate dead …

God Almighty Damn

File under: Classic F__king Brawls.




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Handsome Dayn Perry can be found making love to the reader at CBSSports.com's Eye on Baseball. He is available for all your Twitter needs.


19 Responses to “Classic F__king Brawls: Armando Benitez vs. Everybody”

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  1. CasKnowsRoto says:

    I’ve never seen so many non landed punches/bitch slaps. Epic? I think so.

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  2. Urban Shocker says:

    And *this* is why I said I like Classic F__king Brawls better than Bat Flips.
    F__k and yes.

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  3. AlexandertheMeh says:

    What did I learn here today? That it is very, very difficult to say the phrase “Irish Business Decision” aloud before one has had their morning caffeinated beverage of choice.

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  4. Menthol says:

    Always loved Straw, but that was a sucker punch. Not cool.

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  5. Marty says:

    Favorite NotGraphs category. By a wide margin. Well done.

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  6. GloboJim says:

    Saw it live 20 rows behind the yankees on deck circle, told people for years about Daryl flying over the pile by the visiting dugout to assassinate Benitez… Thanks for posting!

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  7. Toasty says:

    Glad to see my favorite Australian LOOGY featured.

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  8. deadgroove says:

    It looks like Benitez was trying to protect his hands but he just broke his dignity instead.

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  9. Guy says:

    Everything in life is settled by the crucible of competitive humping.

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  10. Alex W says:

    Didn’t Alan Mills or Arthur Rhodes destroy someone during this fight?

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  11. reillocity says:

    I love the passing glimpses of semirecognizable players in these GIFs.

    #4 is my favorite. Lloyd flails aimlessly away at Benitez as his warmup jacket falls off. Jeff Nelson makes a run at landing a haymaker right on Benitez but only finds air as he passes between Lloyd and Benitez. Chris Hoiles smartly hasn’t yet bothered to remove his mask and tackles Mike Stanton, at least the 3rd Yankees reliever in on the fracas. And momentarily you can spot tons of other players including Harold Baines, Joe Carter, Chad Curtis (bad haircut), Scott Brosius, Jimmy Key (Orioles version), Scott Erickson, …

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    • Maverick Squad says:

      “Chris Hoiles smartly hasn’t yet bothered to remove his mask and tackles Mike Stanton”
      I think you mean Giancarlo Stanton.

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    • Mike Newman says:

      I have a Montreal Expos BP jacket worn by Lloyd in my closet. It was a give from a Canadian (Lloyd) to another Canadian (Some dude I coached with way back when) to an American (Cheeseburger eating me).

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  12. deadgroove says:

    Also, David Cone’s face is priceless.

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  13. Macaulay C. says:

    This is not what I expected when I clicked an article titled “Classic F__king Brawls”.

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  14. JimmyD says:

    Jeter looks a little “Jersey Shore” in the 2nd GIF

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