Cliff Lee Refreshes MLBTradeRumors

cliffleelaptop

Cliff Lee refreshes MLBTradeRumors. Nothing doing. His nephews told him this was the place to find any and all trade rumors. But it is not the place to find Cliff Lee trade rumors.

He types his name into the search bar. The corner of his mouth curls when he sees words like “available,” “movable,” and “in flux.” He scrolls down some more. Bad news. “High salary,” “requesting huge return,” and “very little chance.”

Why do they keep writing my God damned age?

He opens another window. Google.com. phillies should trade cliff lee. The results are all over the place.

The Dodgers? Oh man. Nice weather. Good team. That would be cool.

Boston? I could play in Boston. I wouldn’t have to hit. They just won a World Series. I want to win a World Series. That would be cool too.

His eyes hurt. He should go to bed. His dog sighs from the floor of the adjacent room. He echoes it. He continues clicking and scrolling.

Lee would have to waive his no trade clause to be moved.

He picks up his phone and sends a text to his agent.

i told you that id waive my no trade right?

Is he up? Probably not.

He refreshes MLBTradeRumors again. Nothing new. His phone vibrates. A text from his agent.

yes




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David G. Temple is the Managing Editor of TechGraphs and a contributor to FanGraphs, NotGraphs and The Hardball Times. He hosts the award-eligible podcast Stealing Home. Dayn Perry once called him a "Bible Made of Lasers." Follow him on Twitter @davidgtemple.


11 Responses to “Cliff Lee Refreshes MLBTradeRumors”

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  1. Cliff Lee says:

    Cliff Lee takes no jokes.

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  2. Hmmm says:

    The more important question is: Will Cliff Lee pass Curt Schilling on the K/BB all time list.

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    • E says:

      All he needs to do to achieve that is to achieve what is achievable when he achieves the greatness achieved in passing Curt Schilling in the achievement of achieving a greater ratio of strikeouts achieved versus walks achieved.

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      • daniel says:

        Walks are not achieved, they are stains on silence and nothingness, glitches in the mechanical movements of a pitcher’s arm hurling a baseball forward.

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  3. cass says:

    Excellent photoshopping. Also interesting to know that Obama reduced the amount homeowners owe on January 6th. Didn’t read about that on the news! But I’m sure FanGraphs would not run fraudulent advertisements.

    (Thankfully, the Drinking with Boileryard Clark advertisement is certain not to be fraudulent. It clearly says that Dayn Perry celebrates himself. Must be true.)

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  4. Eminor3rd says:

    Nice one, lol.

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  5. Triteon says:

    Ah, channeling Sartre. Nice.

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  6. Mario Mendoza says:

    Never go for the Dark Horse.

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  7. Arkansas Native says:

    Here in Arkansas, everybody is a nephew of Cliff Lee.

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  8. BenRevereDoesSteroids says:

    Bet you wish you had resigned with Texas, don’t you?! But no, you had to go to Philly because your wife didn’t like the DFW traffic!

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  9. Gordon L. says:

    Are you sure he is aware how to use MLBTR website? It can be confusing.

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