Clifton Phifer Lee

Happy Clifton Phifer Lee Day. I believe they’re still partying in Philadelphia.

First things first: You need to take a minute and two seconds out of your day to visit www.cliftonphiferlee.com. In the immediate aftermath of Cliff Lee deciding to take his talents back to South Street (or is it Broad Street? Philadelphians?), the mesmerizing website delivered the type of hard-hitting analysis I was looking for.

Cliff Lee. Cliff Lee. Clifton Phifer Lee! The man who left years and guaranteed money on the table. The man who turned down the New York Yankees. The man who shocked the world. The man who, most inexplicably of all, proved Jon Heyman was right all along.

Once the news became official, I put the post I was writing in this space to bed, and sat back. I knew what I needed to do: Gauge people’s knee jerk reactions on Twitter, of course.

Jordan Zumwalt, @zoomer69, wrote:

Cliff Lee, Lebron, Satan?

I don’t get it.

Marc Johnson, @Hellsfire, tweeted:

Who’s this Cliff Lee guy? I’ve heard people talk about him but he didn’t show up in the World Series.

Mr. Johnson’s from the Bay Area. I’d have tweeted the same, along with: “WORLD CHAMPIONS, BABY!!!1”

Andrew Baggarly, @extrabaggs, and San Francisco Giants beat writer for the San Jose Mercury News chimed in:

Cliff Lee to the Phillies? Wow. Now they have a whole rotation full of guys the Giants beat on their way to the World Series.

Zinger! I still don’t know how the Giants did it. Seriously. With that lineup? How?

Danielle, @deekay2708, echoed the sentiments of many:

A;LSKDJFOWIRJEF;ALSDKJFA;LWEKJR;WLKETJA;SLDKGJFAWEITJA ;LDKFJA;LSDKFJWOIEJF CLIFF LEE ;ALSKDFJASO;GIJWER;GKLJ SAFD!!!!!!!

My initial reaction, while similar, was a Seinfeldian “Heyman!”

James Poling, @jamespoling, had harsh words for Mrs. Clifton Phifer Lee:

Hey NYC does this latest news mean we can officially stop pretending to be nice to Cliff Lee’s skanky, ill-tempered, pretensious [sic] wife?

Dude. Mrs. Lee was spit on. Spit on! If Yankees fans ever spat on me, oh, I’d show them skanky, ill-tempered, and pretentious. Actually, more of the ill-tempered and pretentious, and less of the skanky. But my point remains.

Nick, @bigick2001, really held back:

Cliff lee die die die.

Subtle. Nick lives in Buffalo. Now you know why he’s so upset.

Finally, W Chaff, @GoJacketsOrDie, got all theological:

Cliff Lee to the Phillies? There is no god.

Funny, because Lee turning his back on New York, and the Yankees having the most nightmarish of offseasons, is enough to make me, a fan of the Toronto Blue Jays, wonder if there is an old, white-haired dude hanging out up above. I want to believe!

Tuesday morning, when all the dust had settled, it was my man Drew Fairservice, @DrewGROF, whose excellent baseball prose can be found at Ghostrunner on First, who had the final 140 characters:

Funniest thing I’ve read re. Lee to the Phillies: who starts on Opening Day? #lollerz

Lollerz, indeed.

In the end, I did what we here at NotGraphs always do when the most sought-after free agent on the market finds a home: I wrote poetry. A haiku:

Cliff Lee, a man’s man
Texas and New York, no thanks
Let’s all go hunting

Leave your reaction to Lee’s signing, in 140 characters or less, of course, in the comments. And a haiku, if you dare.

Image courtesy this isn’t happiness.




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Navin Vaswani is a replacement-level writer. Follow him on Twitter.


Sort by:   newest | oldest | most voted
jroo
Guest
jroo
5 years 6 months ago

Doc, Lee, Os, Cole then pray for rain…

Santos
Guest
Santos
5 years 6 months ago

Broad Street.

dutchbrowncoat
Guest
dutchbrowncoat
5 years 6 months ago

the phillies got lee
to go with doc and utley
the mets have dickey

D-Train
Guest
D-Train
5 years 6 months ago

As a South Philadelphia resident…

Citizens Bank Park is located on Broad Street in South Philadelphia. It is NOT on, or really near, South Street. South Broad is an acceptable usage, though.

John Galt
Guest
John Galt
5 years 6 months ago

CBP actually on neither. It’s on Pattison.

Eric
Guest
5 years 6 months ago

Ruben Amaro
Terrible Howard contract
Cliff Lee specialist

Not Joe
Guest
Not Joe
5 years 6 months ago

A haiku to Ms. Lee from a bitter New Yorker.

Interleague Series
Spit is just the beginning
Best to stay at home

joe lefko
Guest
5 years 6 months ago

Clifton Phifer Lee
Is bringing his talents to
Philadelphia

Mr. Met
Member
Mr. Met
5 years 6 months ago

Clifton Phifer Lee
My big baseball head hates you
Refrigerator

Albert Lyu
Member
5 years 6 months ago

Clifton, PHIFER!, Leeeeeeeeeeee. That is all.

Theo
Member
Theo
5 years 6 months ago

HHO Lee shit!

Bo Burnham
Guest
Bo Burnham
5 years 6 months ago

My aunt always said
Slow and steady wins the race
She died in a fire

rich
Guest
rich
5 years 6 months ago

Screw you clifton lee
The mets will eat you for lunch
in 3 or 4 years

cs3
Guest
cs3
5 years 6 months ago

Cliff Lee, Halladay
Cole Hamels, and Roy Oswalt
Losers to Giants

Twenty eleven
maybe. Old age coming soon.
Phils prepare for doom.

John
Guest
John
5 years 6 months ago

Halladay and Lee
And Hamels and Oswalt are
The Phantastic Phour

Archi
Guest
5 years 6 months ago

Clifton Phifer Lee
At least it ain’t New York, right?
Must be nice, Phillies.

Theo
Member
Theo
5 years 6 months ago

Lee and company
Halladay, Oswalt, Hamels
Where is your god now?

jroo
Guest
jroo
5 years 6 months ago

Mine was a reference to this:

First we’ll use Spahn
then we’ll use Sain
Then an off day
followed by rain
Back will come Spahn
followed by Sain
And followed
we hope
by two days of rain.

Annoying Grammar Guy
Guest
Annoying Grammar Guy
5 years 6 months ago

Yankees feel lost like
A haiku with no Kigo
Or “less” for “fewer”

Giancarlo Marrelli
Guest
5 years 6 months ago

Woah, where did my comment go?

here goes again.

fifty million bucks
Cliff Lee left on the table
that’s expensive spit

and non-Cliff Lee related:

kicks tons of tires
he’s Alex Anthopoulos
his foot is swollen

Sigh
Guest
Sigh
5 years 6 months ago

Cliff signed with Philly
The Yankees are massive douches
Have fun with burnett

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