Dan Uggla Is Haunted by His Forefathers


Dan and cousin Claes.

Who among us has not admired the blood coursing in Dan Uggla’s redoubtable forearms? And who among us has not conjectured, perhaps aloud to our significant other, that such blood can only be noble blood? Conjecture no more, friends. The late Mr. W. A. Reitwiesner has bravely scoured Dan’s roots and linked him to a veritable Valhalla of proud Scandinavians, whose very names drip with elegance and valor: Emerentia Stake! Polykarpus Crumbugel! Hebbla Standorph! Let us not forget that great fellow bearer of the family crest (and, it must be said, the family forearms), that unforgettable martyr of the Battle of Oland, Admiral Claes Uggla; and, too, let us pay proper homage to that incomparable sixth-great-grandfather, the illustrious Axel Roos, whose heroic band of dragoons* saved their king’s life no less than thrice at the Skirmish of Bender.

So just remember this, you griping Braves fans and grumbling fantasy owners, when next you find yourselves doubting your second baseman: remember all the hope, the trust, the crushing legacy, that rides on those chiseled shoulders.

* Who dubbed themselves, as historical documents attest, “Gunns und Rooses.”




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Big Daddy V
Guest
Big Daddy V
3 years 11 months ago

U-G-G-L-A.
You ain’t got no other name.
You’re Uggla.
Yeah, yeah.
You’re Uggla.

Choo
Member
3 years 11 months ago

I thought Dan Uggla was a Swedish owl: LINK

I mean, how terrifying would the Swedish countryside be if you knew there were a bunch of Dan Uggla’s concealed by night and foliage, patrolling both ground and sky with murderous abandon?

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