Dave Cameron Power Rankings

It’s a question which, if not as old as time, per se, is at least as old as a one-day-old thing — namely, who, among all the world’s Daves or Davids Cameron, is the most powerful?

What follows is an attempt to answer to that same question, where power has been defined by a complex and proprietary algorithm informed primarily by personal wealth, social and political influence, and how easily the relevant Dave Cameron could have a person just, like, assassinated or whatever.

Using that same flawless methodology, here are the five most powerful Daves or Davids Cameron at the moment:

DC WD 2 
5. Dave Cameron, Web Editor, Ithaca College
Powerful if for no other reason than he’s cornered the market on Dave Cameron-related social-media handles, including at Instagram, Tumblr, and Twitter.

***

DC NHL 
4. Dave Cameron, Assistant Coach, Ottawa Senators
Former NHL player and current assistant coach of successful hockey team. Likely expert on facial hair.

***

DC DR 
3. Dr. David Cameron, Queer as Folk
Less powerful than he might otherwise be, insofar as he’s not an actual person, but still important as character in first hour-long drama on American television to portray lives of gay men and women.

***

DC FG 
2. Dave Cameron, Managing Editor, FanGraphs
Prominent voice in contemporary baseball analysis. Largely responsible for poor performance/demotion of Seattle Mariners second baseman Dustin Ackley. Told cancer to go run off and play.

***

DC PM 
1. David Cameron, British Prime Minister
Leader of nation with sixth-largest GDP in world. Graduate of Oxford. Could have most anyone murdered — or, at least, imprisoned for a pretty long time — on flimsiest of pretenses.




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Carson Cistulli has just published a book of aphorisms called Spirited Ejaculations of a New Enthusiast.


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Merlin90
Member
3 years 3 months ago

One of these Camerons is an odious creature.

(Clue: he’s not in position 2, 3, 4 or 5.)

Wobatus
Guest
Wobatus
3 years 3 months ago

I dunno, the Senators assistant coach looks kinda like Goebbels.

Saguenay Harry
Guest
Saguenay Harry
3 years 3 months ago

For my part, I added a parenthetical “for Canada” after “successful hockey team”.

Dave Cameron
Admin
Member
3 years 3 months ago

Fun fact: my wife is from the Finger Lakes region of upstate New York, where Web Editor Dave Cameron now resides. I’d say she married the wrong Dave Cameron, except I’m glad she found my cancer and saved my life. Also, I like her.

Jeremiah Jebediah
Guest
Jeremiah Jebediah
3 years 3 months ago

This is possibly the only heart-warming thing that was or ever will be written on notgraphs.

MLB Rainmaker
Member
Member
MLB Rainmaker
3 years 3 months ago

With absolutely zero context, and reverence for what must have been a very not fun health concern, the text of your comment “except I’m glad she found my cancer and saved my life” portends that to be possibly the worst hand job ever.

Though possible the most rewarding?

Dave Cameron
Admin
Member
3 years 3 months ago

You do know I had leukemia, not prostate cancer, right?

Context, for those interested: My wife is a PA who works in oncology. She spotted some red dots on my legs and some bruising on my elbows and identified them as petechiae and purpura. At her urging, I got a blood test that revealed the leukemia and started chemo before I got sick. A lot of people do not learn they have leukemia until it wipes out their immune system, they get extremely weak, and finally go to the ER after having battled something that looks like the flu or pneumonia for weeks without ever recovering.

I got to skip that whole part and go right to the life-saving-treatment option, all because I married the right woman.

Wobatus
Guest
Wobatus
3 years 3 months ago

A nurse I dated told me I had shingles.

OK, I’m looking at my elbows and rolling up my pants leg now.

hamjenkinsIII
Member
hamjenkinsIII
3 years 3 months ago

I went out with a Nursing Assistant that said i walk funny

MLB Rainmaker
Member
Member
MLB Rainmaker
3 years 3 months ago

Very cool story with context. Very juvenille interpretation on my part without.

joser
Guest
joser
3 years 3 months ago

But for those of us who already knew the full story, your interpretation was very funny. At least it was for me, but maybe I’m juvenile too.

Wobatus
Guest
Wobatus
3 years 3 months ago

Did you get any treatment at Wake Forest Baptist? My father grew up down the street on Queen Street. I got stitches there when I was 5. Supposedly a good oncology department. I guess it should when the local High School is RJ Reynolds.

Dave Cameron
Admin
Member
3 years 3 months ago

Yeah, my wife works in the Comprehensive Cancer Center at WFUBMC, and that’s where all my treatment took place. Bonus of marrying an oncology PA? The head of the hematology-oncology department for the entire hospital took my case. I got pretty good care. No one there wanted the husband of one of their PAs to die.

Wobatus
Guest
Wobatus
3 years 3 months ago

Does she like a good Riesling?

Dave Cameron
Admin
Member
3 years 3 months ago

It’s the only wine she drinks, basically. I never stop hearing about how good Finger Lakes wines are from her family.

Wobatus
Guest
Wobatus
3 years 3 months ago

Depths of the lakes retains warmth, etc.

Mike Newman
Member
3 years 3 months ago

My wife is from the Finger Lakes as well. She’s a Riesling fan, but Cayuga White is her favorite. Nothing like a hybrid grape from Cornell.

deadmanonleave
Member
Member
deadmanonleave
3 years 3 months ago

As an Englishman of strong left wing views, you can imagine the stick I got on Twitter when I started following the Dave Cameron of these parts! I never thought the words ‘Honestly, it’s a baseball thing.’ could get me out of bother lol

John
Guest
John
3 years 3 months ago

Mr. Cameron David has to be somewhere.

Seitz
Guest
Seitz
3 years 3 months ago

I probably would have listed him as sixth best. :) Sorry Dave.

Ivan Calderon
Guest
Ivan Calderon
3 years 3 months ago

Ruling Britain is nothing compared to the power of the unblinking stare.

joser
Guest
joser
3 years 3 months ago

And the ability to speak at 200 words per minute. Though he’s toned that down in the podcasts, I assume the talent is still there.

Well-Beered Englishman
Guest
Well-Beered Englishman
3 years 3 months ago

Random uninteresting story: one of the creator-directors of Queer as Folk snuck me into the BAFTA private club for dinner and a film screening with Danny Boyle, James Franco and Andy Serkis.

olethros
Guest
olethros
3 years 3 months ago

You, sir, appear to lead an interesting and fine beer soaked life. I discovered the existence of that Stone Mint Stout because of you. You get your hands on any of the Dayman?

Well-Beered Englishman
Guest
Well-Beered Englishman
3 years 3 months ago

Alas: I don’t like IPAs. I know; I’m a bad person.

MLB Rainmaker
Guest
MLB Rainmaker
3 years 3 months ago

Solidarity brother. Its a bastardized category — dumping in a boatload of hops doesn’t usually allow for a balanced flavor.

Wobatus
Guest
Wobatus
3 years 3 months ago

Did you run into Stephen Fry in the loo?

Well-Beered Englishman
Guest
Well-Beered Englishman
3 years 3 months ago

I’ve never met Stephen Fry, but I now sincerely regret moving to Texas, because one of my friends in London, who owes me a steak dinner, keeps posting Instagram photos of his luncheons with Benedict Cumberbatch.

P.S. The BAFTA society chili recipe is shockingly hot.

Wobatus
Guest
Wobatus
3 years 3 months ago

I’d rather have lunch with Timothy Spall.

joser
Guest
joser
3 years 3 months ago

THAT is the reason you regret moving to Texas?

Bradley Woodrum
Member
Member
3 years 3 months ago

YOU’RE FRIENDS WITH DR. WATSON!?!!/11??!!/1?//1/!!?!?!?!

Wobatus
Guest
Wobatus
3 years 3 months ago

I only mention Stephen Fry in the loo (with the plunger) because that’s where Ricky Gervais runs into him, at the BAFTAs. Same episode where he’s caught with a coke-addict Ronnie Corbett.

Mr. Smooth
Guest
Mr. Smooth
3 years 3 months ago

I thought it was Joe West who ejected cancer…

Saguenay Harry
Guest
Saguenay Harry
3 years 3 months ago

Who at Fangraphs plays Nigel Farage to Managing Editor Dave Cameron?

(In typing I am reminded of Captain Willard’s famous line to Col. Kurtz, “I don’t see any Managing at all, sir.”)

canuckassassin
Member
canuckassassin
3 years 3 months ago

It would be Syzmborski if not for the fact that Syzmborski is already the Col. Kurtz of Fangraphs.

Pseudonym
Guest
Pseudonym
3 years 3 months ago

Mr. Cistulli, after reading the above, this epitomic representation of the journalistic ideal, I would just to take a moment to thank you for being you. Huzzah!

Pseudonym
Guest
Pseudonym
3 years 3 months ago

Boo, ^like to take a moment

Pseudonym
Guest
Pseudonym
3 years 3 months ago

Also, as a topic for future discussion: are any Davids Cameron more powerful than the send, submit, or reply all buttons?

Andy
Guest
Andy
3 years 3 months ago

This is total BS. Dave Cameron is way more powerful than Dave Cameron.

Andy
Guest
Andy
3 years 3 months ago

Cameron should be lower

Andy
Guest
Andy
3 years 3 months ago

Dave Cameron should be lower

Groundba11
Member
Groundba11
3 years 3 months ago

Honorable mention for Boccaccio’s Davecameron?

Clive
Guest
Clive
3 years 3 months ago

If all these Dave Camerons had to fight to the death in a Thunder Dome, Dave Cameron the hockey coach would win handily. He was a 100+ penalty minutes type of guy in his day and those crazy eyes show the spark’s still there. Unless Dave Cameron the baseball nerd was like that little dude riding the giant dude, then it could go either way. But I don’t know who the giant dude could be in this case. Bradley Woodrum?

joser
Guest
joser
3 years 3 months ago

But hockey coach Dave Cameron is best remembered, at least in Canada, for coaching the 2011 Junior team all the way to the gold medal game, leading Russia 3-0 going into the final period, and then losing 5-3. Clearly the other Dave Camerons merely have to bide their time, knowing this one will find a way to snatch Defeat from the jaws of Victory.

Wobatus
Guest
Wobatus
3 years 3 months ago

He was preparing them for future careers with the Maple Leafs.

Bradley Woodrum
Member
Member
3 years 3 months ago

Well, obviously, I’m not a big guy. I’m not a Carl Weathers, par example.

canuckassassin
Member
canuckassassin
3 years 3 months ago

I particularly enjoy the podcast, “David Cameron Analyzes All Britain”.

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