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Dave Cameron Power Rankings

Posted By Carson Cistulli On June 18, 2013 @ 3:02 pm In Lists and Rankings | 47 Comments

It’s a question which, if not as old as time, per se, is at least as old as a one-day-old thing — namely, who, among all the world’s Daves or Davids Cameron, is the most powerful?

What follows is an attempt to answer to that same question, where power has been defined by a complex and proprietary algorithm informed primarily by personal wealth, social and political influence, and how easily the relevant Dave Cameron could have a person just, like, assassinated or whatever.

Using that same flawless methodology, here are the five most powerful Daves or Davids Cameron at the moment:

DC WD 2 
5. Dave Cameron, Web Editor, Ithaca College
Powerful if for no other reason than he’s cornered the market on Dave Cameron-related social-media handles, including at Instagram, Tumblr, and Twitter.

***

DC NHL 
4. Dave Cameron, Assistant Coach, Ottawa Senators
Former NHL player and current assistant coach of successful hockey team. Likely expert on facial hair.

***

DC DR 
3. Dr. David Cameron, Queer as Folk
Less powerful than he might otherwise be, insofar as he’s not an actual person, but still important as character in first hour-long drama on American television to portray lives of gay men and women.

***

DC FG 
2. Dave Cameron, Managing Editor, FanGraphs
Prominent voice in contemporary baseball analysis. Largely responsible for poor performance/demotion of Seattle Mariners second baseman Dustin Ackley. Told cancer to go run off and play.

***

DC PM 
1. David Cameron, British Prime Minister
Leader of nation with sixth-largest GDP in world. Graduate of Oxford. Could have most anyone murdered — or, at least, imprisoned for a pretty long time — on flimsiest of pretenses.


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