Dear Cubs Public Relations

Dear Cubs Public Relations,

I have your next seventh-inning stretch singer here. All he requires for his appearance is three tickets to Chicago from California, a sippy cup of milk, and a hot dog (perhaps an adult soda for his handler). He might not start out perfectly, but hey, it’s not like Ozzy Osbourne knew any the lyrics to Take Me Out. And anyway, it’s all about the finish. This candidate finishes with gusto.

If you’d like to book this act, please contact our agent, Banknotes Harper, at the cc’ed address.

Thank you for your attention,

Eno Sarris



Print This Post

Graphs: Baseball, Roto, Beer, brats (OK, no graphs for that...yet), repeat. Follow him on Twitter @enosarris.


Sort by:   newest | oldest | most voted
KyleZ
Guest
KyleZ

awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!

king buzzo
Guest
king buzzo

Nailed it. Most of the drunks in Wrigley couldn’t do that well.

Urban Shocker
Guest
Urban Shocker

The ‘One! Two! Three Strikes Your Out’ part always reminds me of Eddie Izzard’s piece about the ‘Days of Christmas’. People go nuts for it.
#KeepNotGraphs

Anonymous
Guest
Anonymous

Just keep confirming and denying things until you get FIVE… GOOOOLD… RINGS.

Hell, the cubs would settle for even one ring at this point.

Cubs Front Office
Guest
Cubs Front Office

Dear Mr Sarris,

Thank you for the audition tape. Will a 16 oz can of Old Style suffice for the adult soda? That’s all we got, man.

Friendly,
The Cubs

Kris
Guest
Kris

Eno, you need to make your adorable child post weekly videos explaining advanced metrics. Notgraphs would be the perfect place for that.

Paul
Guest
Paul

Mediocre start but what a virtuoso finish.

Scott Lindholm
Member
Member
Scott Lindholm

Better than Doug McDermott did a couple nights ago…or Jeff Gordon

John W.
Member
Member
John W.

the best thing ever

Josh B
Guest
Josh B

Sam Zell might have a problem with the ethics of employing child labor. Hahaha, just kidding, he’s a conservative!!

wpDiscuz