Dear Mark Cuban, Please Come Own My Baseball Team

I know little about basketball. You throw a ball — much like every American sport — and there is jumping and falling and whistling. And they have steals too, but you actually get something for the steal (a ball). Keeping the stolen ball after the game, I am told, is bad form, though.

Anyway, it turns out there was a recent championship contest, and since the Bulls of Chicago were not involved, I had already cast the sport into a waste bin titled “No Derrick Rose makes me sad” — but my decision may have been premature. Tom Tango passes along this viral video, in which we see an advanced analysis owner — Mark Cuban — clobber most cruelly an old-school television sensationalist — Skip Bayless — during the post-championship live analysis.


• Embarrassed newsmen on the left, willfully abstaining from the conversation like a friend visiting a friend’s house when the parents suddenly begin a lurid argument.
• A flustered newsman on the right, so shaken it makes the very people rooting AGAINST him empathetically nervous.
• An argument won using the generality: “All you do is use generalities.”

Imagine if, say, the Royals were owned by Mark Cuban. What would that franchise look like in five years? Or even one year? Oh well, it’s good the league has — BASKETBALL TERM — boxed Cuban out so that we can have the Frank McCourt’s and Sam Zell’s of the world. Great success!

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Bradley writes for FanGraphs and The Hardball Times. Follow him on Twitter @BradleyWoodrum.

24 Responses to “Dear Mark Cuban, Please Come Own My Baseball Team”

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  1. rambodiaz says:

    When your defense is “Steven A. can validate this”, you’re probably better off just keeping quiet.

    +10 Vote -1 Vote +1

  2. novaether says:

    That felt good to watch.

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  3. outletbest says:

    Swarovski Perlen, Swarovski Perlen Rabatt, Swarovski Perlen online, GroƟhandel Swarovski Perlen, Swarovski-Perlen Verkauf

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  4. Adam says:

    Cuban clearly won the argument because he wanted it more.

    +15 Vote -1 Vote +1

  5. matty says:

    same blacklisting goes on in the NHL to Jim Ballsille. I think commissioners want it to be their show

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  6. Spunky says:

    That was excellent! Who knew Mark Cuban had it in him? (Answer: everyone who knows Mark Cuban.) Well done, Brad.

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  7. phoenix2042 says:

    That was amazing. He should have bought the dodgers. He just shredded that guy’s defense! We’ve seen him do time and again. He just wanted it more this time.

    My favorite part was when the guy argued that lebron was just going to stand on the perimeter no matter what they did and just never do anything. That was hilarious. He thought that even if you left lebron totally unguarded, he would just do nothing because he didn’t feel like it. Unfortunately, most commentators are like this in all sports.

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  8. Resolution says:

    This is just excellent – even more so by the fact that I think Cuban is right and secondly, that I think Cuban is right while wearing a Smurfs t-shirt.

    +9 Vote -1 Vote +1

  9. Yeager says:

    JFK vs. Nixon

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  10. Fletch says:

    I actually clapped and cheered when I watched this live a few days ago. To me, Skip Bayless and Stephen A. Smith represent everything that is wrong with sports journalism today (unfalsifiable assertions, overemphasis on intagibles and narratives, misleading “statistics,” opinion masquerading as fact, etc) and so it was supremely enjoyable to watch these self-styled “experts” get humbled in such a fashion.
    I’m a Dodgers fan, and while I like the new ownership group, I was definitely disappointed when Cuban’s bid was eliminated.

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  11. Skip Bayless’s only care in the world is that people pay attention to him; being right isn’t a concern. On his own terms, this was an excellent segment.

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  12. MikeS says:

    Anybody who shreds Bayless is my hero.

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    • Illinois glass M. Michael Sheets says:

      Anybody whose hero is anybody who shreds Bayless is a hero of mine.

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      • me says:

        you’re both my heros because your heros are both heroes of each other’s… aw f@^& i forgot what i was talking about. anyways, you guys are super great.

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  13. UncleCharlieVT says:

    I’m not really a basketball fan, and whenever I hear more than 5 seconds of Bayless I’m grateful for that fact. His unique combination of arrogance, stupidity, and meaningless yelling are truly unbearable.

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