Further inspection proves illuminating, as we discover Twins outfielder Delmon Young is in fact a fiend of history:
Suddenly, I realized Delmon’s face seemed familiar, like the last vestiges of an old dream. I began flipping through old copies of my dream journals to no avail. Then, suddenly, during a 7-hour history channel binge last night, I saw it!
Delmon Young had indeed been both present and exceedingly excited at the signing of the Declaration of Independence! His classic and soul-penetrating face of pure exuberance no doubt led artist John Trumbull to immortalize the emotional outbreak in his classic painting. Odd thing is: This is not even a painting of the signing, but merely a submission of the committee’s proposal draft.
Thus, I began searching the NotGraphs database for “time travel” and “oh face.” Sure enough — and just as I had anticipated — Delmon Young was at the Battle of Marathon, where the Athenians fought off the invading forces of Darius the First:
Odd thing is: The Battle of Marathon is most remembered for what happened after it — the marathon run or march, depending on the source, for which the battle remains so famous.
We can clearly establish two facts: Delmon Young has a time-travel device, and Delmon Young has a penchant for the exciting, historical moments that come before the exciting, more historical moments.