Delmon Young’s Best Shape

Recently, NotGraphs’ own Jeremy Blachman drew attention to the “best shape of their lives” cliché that’s bandied about at the onset of every spring training.

Mr. Blachman enlightens us as to what shape a player is when he’s in the best shape of his life, but for some players, their own best shapes — let’s call it their “spirit shapes” — break the mold. One of those players is Delmon Young. His best shape is…

…the shape of The Grimace!

The Grimace is puffy. It is the very embodiment of purple. But, on the whole, The Grimace’s shape is unnameable, expect to say that it is The Grimace-shaped. One young scientist recently suggested that The Grimace itself, in essence, is a trans-fat, so maybe we could say that its shape is that of a trans-fat.

There should be no ambiguity in the connection between Delmon Young and The Grimace, however. Both are former top prospects of sorts — Delmon Young topped Baseball America’s charts in 2006; The Grimace was once thought to be the heir to Ronald McDonald’s goofy-ass crown. Both have had weight issues.

The Grimace, like matter, can be neither created nor destroyed. Now, the same is true for Delmon Young.

No matter what shape Delmon Young is in come training camp, the shape of his spirit will be that of The Grimace.




Print This Post

Hire Robert J. Baumann to live-blog your next birthday party, family reunion, or corporate event. You will not want to forget it soon.


Sort by:   newest | oldest | most voted
Heisenberg
Guest
Heisenberg
3 years 4 months ago

…funny

Ethan
Guest
Ethan
3 years 4 months ago

Delmon’s big brother Dimitri ate himself out of the league Mo Vaughn stylr. Hopefully Delmon gets it figured out.

TheHoustonian
Guest
TheHoustonian
3 years 4 months ago

The Grimace began as The Evil Grimace, and actually was noted for his thievery. He primarily stole drinks and shakes, and Ronald had to go to extreme lengths – like posing as a famous Hollywood director – to get them back.

And the Grimace had four arms. Imagine Delmon Young’s O-Swing% if he had four arms. No really, take a moment and imagine that.

golden jerseys, sparkle pants
Member
golden jerseys, sparkle pants
3 years 4 months ago

Holy crap, NotGraphs readers, that cool, young, intuitive scientist was totally right about The Grimace being a trans-fat! Check it out: https://docs.google.com/file/d/0B4J98fnJjtsRa0hjR19TV3IwSVE/edit?pli=1

sc2gg
Guest
sc2gg
3 years 4 months ago

What *IS* Grimace? A ju-jube? A misshapen grape?
At least we know what Delmon Young is.

TroutFan
Guest
TroutFan
3 years 4 months ago

this is supposed to be funny?

Dr. Internet's Therapist
Guest
Dr. Internet's Therapist
3 years 4 months ago

Nice try, Dr. Internet. Not your best effort, however…next time, try to create a more original handle and also put a bit more zing into the prose. And capitalize the first word for the sake of goodness!

wpDiscuz