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Derek Jeter Fashion Show

Dood, Jetah has weahd ahms.

This item broke pre-Thanksgiving, but sports card publication company Beckett Media recently posted some mocked-up images of Derek Jeter in all 30 MLB uniforms. (“Mocked-up” describes the fact better than the effect, but this is a family-friendly blog.) The creator of the images sportingly notes that some of his results were not strictly rigorous proportion-wise.

Actually, the best images are eerily convincing (Red Sox, Athletics) and thrill the viewer with a momentary trip to an alternate universe — for one split-second, some part of your brain actually perceives Derek Jeter as a BoSock or an Athletic. The tastefully decorated upper floors of my intellect were warmed by this.

However, the well-lived-in lower floors of my intellect, which are usually set to smoking by the Jete-dog, were left fully aflame by the less carefully-executed mockups. These caused me to perceive Derek, in turn, as having a VERY large head, using some kind of reverse-Sosa skin-darkening cream, and sitting in a way that Derek Jeter would never, ever, ever sit.

I am not particularly a fan of Derek Jeter. But even I have little stomach to further explore these dark and perverse parallel realities.