Draft Recap

Courtesy of the analysts over at MLB Network, who previewed the draft this past weekend with just about the most generic comments I can imagine. This is a cut and paste, with only the names replaced. Really, I didn’t change anything.

“This guy is one of those unique athletes that you rarely come across. He has the chance to be a once-in-a-generation player. That team needs to be thinking long term and not worry about drafting a player who is going to make an immediate impact. This guy has the chance to be a star when he reaches the majors, and he’ll be another nice piece in that team’s youth movement.”

“There are very few players that come up and make an immediate impact at the major league level. This is a sport where players go through learning stages and develop in the minor leagues. With that said, if you’re looking for that player who has the chance to make the biggest impact, I’d take this guy. He’s a middle-of-the-diamond player with a big-time arm and speed. I think his offense has to catch up to his defense, but he has high upside.”

“He’s totally projectable. He won’t be quick to the big leagues, but he’s special. He’s a grinder and usually you don’t hear that word associated with the superstar talent. Anybody who is a legend wherever they played high school sports, I always find special.”

“He’s got the right instincts to be a professional major league hitter. You’re never sure how catchers will grow offensively and its possible this guy has to move out from behind the plate. He’s hit wherever he’s played.”

“He’s a lefthander who has a good feel for the game. I always like players that get the most of out their talent because they’re smart ballplayers. I’ve seen this guy pitch a few times and I’ve seen him outsmart hitters, which is nice to see at the college level.”

“You just got hired, you know you don’t have to win right now. Don’t go with something for right now when you could miss out on a superstar. This is that team’s chance to get a future superstar.”

Amazing analysis.




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Jeremy Blachman is the author of Anonymous Lawyer, a satirical novel that should make people who didn't go to law school feel good about their life choices. Read more at McSweeney's or elsewhere. He likes e-mail.


3 Responses to “Draft Recap”

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  1. Jennifer says:

    Nobody with “electric stuff,” (my least favorite overused baseball expression)?

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  2. Hans says:

    “The ball makes a different sound when it comes off his bat.” is one of my all-time favorites.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

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