Eight Similes Regarding Danny Salazar’s Changeup

Salazar Split

In the absence of video evidence like that above, the reader might find some difficulty in articulating to another party the experience of young Cleveland right-hander Danny Salazar‘s excellent changeup.

What follows are eight similes that might at least begin to approximate the experience of same.

1. It’s like a Bowflex that works your sense of majesty.

2. It’s like getting a shark bite on your nice pants.

3. It’s like freaking up against a sasquatch on purpose.

4. It’s like tongue-kissing a switchblade of your own volition.

5. It’s like fiddling with your Cowper’s gland absentmindedly.

6. It’s like driving a stock car into the real sun.

7. It’s like finding your next wife at a Sotheby’s.

8. It’s like making children with the assistance of Pat Benatar.

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Carson Cistulli occasionally publishes spirited ejaculations at The New Enthusiast.

13 Responses to “Eight Similes Regarding Danny Salazar’s Changeup”

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  1. fdfe says:

    its a splitter.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  2. James K. says:

    It’s like having AIDS and not caring.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  3. nets says:

    like suckling from a titless breast, or like holding a breastless tit; either way, it will fool you, batter.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  4. AC of DC says:

    Sir, I have performed numbers 7 and 8 in sequence and I must contend that while the overall experience had similar downward break, it also ran in on my hands quite a bit.

    +10 Vote -1 Vote +1

  5. delmon young says:

    fyi herb alpert is on this week’s dinner party download.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  6. hamjenkinsIII says:

    It’s like driving a stock car into the real sun

    Sanny Dalazar

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  7. 2013 Portland Beavers says:

    It’s like eating foie gras outside a dollar tree.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

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