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Emma Span’s Most Inspired Work About a Stinkbug

As she noted during her Wednesday appearance on FanGraphs Audio (live on tape from the Winter Meetings!), Sports on Earth‘s Emma Span was not always a highly decorated and widely hailed commentator of athletic contests on this (if no other) planet. Before that, she was a highly decorated and same-amount-as-hailed writer of short descriptions for all manner of direct-to-video films.

With regard to perhaps sampling Ms. Span’s prose stylings from that important moment in her career, the internet refuses to fail us. For it’s at electronic auction house eBay that we find one of Span’s charming nugae: detailed item info for Stanley the Stinkbug Goes to Camp.

Drink deeply, citizens of the world:

Lovable but naturally smelly Stanley the Stinkbug struggles to make friends at his new summer camp, in spite of his powerful odor, in this inspirational and warm-hearted kids’ cartoon about tolerance, acceptance, and God’s love. Judge Reinhold voices Stanley, joining a talented cast that also includes Tim Conway and Don Knotts.

Span’s sympathies for Stanley are obvious and beautiful — like something that is both beautiful but also obvious at the same time. Stanley’s pain is Span’s pain; his lessons about tolerance are her same lessons; his complex relationship with noted star of 1988 comedy Vice Versa Judge Reinhold are her same feelings about the entire Santa Clause trilogy’s Judge Reinhold.

In conclusion: