Emmylou Harris Knows Chipper Jones’s Real Name Is Larry and She Is Offended That You Even Had to Ask

Puffery, via ESPN, The Life:

The Life: We’re told you’re a pretty serious Atlanta Braves fan. Can you prove it? Do you know Chipper Jones‘ real name?

Harris: Larry. I thought I was being tested. This is a test?

The Life: You passed. You really are a baseball fan.

Apparel for a real fan of a real baseball fan.

Knowing Chipper Jones’s real first name makes one a real baseball fan.

For those of you who did not know that, you are not real fans, and you are really banished from FanGraphs.com and all its subsidiaries, henceforth. Because FanGraphs is for real baseball fans only.

If you were not on this fishing trip with Chipper, consider yourself not a real baseball fan.

But, so banished, if you happen to be a real fan of graphs, you can type the name of the man who invented graphs in the comment section, whereupon you will be dubbed a SuperNerd and not only be welcomed back to the FanGraphs community with open arms, but also have Filet-o-Fish sandwiches and Peanut M&Ms dangled into your mouth while being fanned with palm fronds by the HotNotGrapher of your choice. (The choice, of course, is a formality; anyone would pick a Gym-Shorted Carson Cistulli.)

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15 Responses to “Emmylou Harris Knows Chipper Jones’s Real Name Is Larry and She Is Offended That You Even Had to Ask”

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  1. Bryce says:

    René Descartes?

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  2. olethros says:

    WIlliam Playfair.

    I choose a weeping Dayn Perry.

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  3. chiefglockandhummer says:

    i’m guessing tony graphanino. cause, you know, thus the name.

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  4. Peter Whalen says:

    Billy Jo Robideax

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    • That’s not the answer I was looking for, Yirmiyahu, but if you knew that without looking anything up, you’re far smarter than me, as your answer seems less trivial and more based in knowledge. I’ll tell Carson to put on his gym shorts . . .

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      • Yirmiyahu says:

        For one thing, I cheated. I couldn’t find a source on the first use of the word “graph” or who invented the concept. But I found that wikipedia says, “The word “graph” was first used in this sense by J.J. Sylvester in 1878.” Which is not really the kind of graph we’re talking about, but whatevs.

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  5. williams .482 says:

    Bruce Chen, of course.

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  6. robertobeers says:

    Euler invented everything.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

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