Eno Sarris’s Entirely Unhelpful Pronuncuation Guide

RotoGraphs editor Eno Sarris has demonstrated — during any number of appearances on FanGraphs Audio and/or VIP-type meetings among the site’s VIP-type managers — has demonstrated a singular ability to mispronounce every name there is, mostly.

With the existence of said ability having been established, NotGraphs presents here an excerpt from Sarris’s Entirely Unhelpful Guide to the Pronunciation of Certain Baseballers’ Names — with audio clips of Sarris himself abusing the spoken language much like one might a disobedient horse.

While we make no effort here to say what the right pronunciations are of the following prospects’ names, we will say that all of Sarris’s attempts are very likely wrong.

1. Cavan Cohoes, SS/OF, Seattle

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2. Mike Foltynewicz, RHP, Houston

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3. Rougned Odor, 2B, Texas

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4. Keyvius Sampson, RHP, San Diego

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5. Matt Szczur, OF, Chicago (NL)

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jcxy
Guest
jcxy
3 years 8 months ago

YES! More, please!

maxjusttyped
Member
maxjusttyped
3 years 8 months ago

Seconded.

El Vigilante
Guest
El Vigilante
3 years 8 months ago
Mrs. Cistulli
Guest
Mrs. Cistulli
3 years 8 months ago

I love how my illegitimate demon-spawn casually drops his participation in VIP meetings.

Brian Cartwright
Guest
Brian Cartwright
3 years 8 months ago

Callis & Goldstein have said that Matt pronounces Szczur as “SEEzer” (Caesar) but ones I know personally call themselves sahZOOR.

I think %newicz is pronounced as %nevich

Well-Beered Englishman
Guest
Well-Beered Englishman
3 years 8 months ago

Correct on -nevich. In Polich cz = ch and sz = sh, which means were Matt Caesar/Sazoor to go to Poland, he would be Matt Shchoor. I would humbly suggest that stat-lover and humourous television person Michael Schur actually has this last name too, at least, the Ellis-Island-respelt variant of it.

In order to verify this, of course, it will be necessary for Carson to bring Michael Schur onto FanGraphs Audio and inquire into his genealogy, as well as such matters as the ideal sabermetric batting order of the cast of Parks and Recreation.

Well-Beered Englishman
Guest
Well-Beered Englishman
3 years 8 months ago

…a sitcom which, I belatedly realise, actually featured a main character named %newicz in seasons 1 and 2.

Well-Beered Englishman
Guest
Well-Beered Englishman
3 years 8 months ago

Now, at last, we know the One True Pronunciation of Szczur!

RA Rowe
Guest
RA Rowe
3 years 8 months ago

This is exquisite.

RA Rowe
Guest
RA Rowe
3 years 8 months ago

Like a sculpture garden for the ears.

thirteenthirteen
Guest
thirteenthirteen
3 years 8 months ago

Marc Rzepczynski next, please.

dragonflyball
Guest
dragonflyball
3 years 8 months ago

Gesundheit.

wpDiscuz