Epstein Defends Rickets

From the Chicago Tribune.

Rickets

Ridiculous typo, of course. (Not) from the article:

“They’re dragging the Ricketts’ [sic] name through the mud. There’s nothing wrong with the softening of bones due to a Vitamin D deficiency. Rickets gets such a bad rap, but it’s totally undeserved. Everyone wants ballplayers to have soft hands — but then when it comes to soft bones everyone fights it? It’s nonsense. We want our players to be soft all over — soft hands, soft bones, a soft heart, and soft of constitution. That’s really the only way they can handle all the losing seasons, to be honest. Really, we think it’s been a problem ever since Wrigley Field started allowing night games. When they played 81 games in the sun, everyone got sufficient Vitamin D, and we didn’t have to think about Rickets. But with these night games — and the paralyzing fear of the world that takes over most of our players and their soft brains — no one gets enough sunlight, everyone’s malnourished, and Rickets has flourished. Not to mention Rod Scurvy, who might have been our bullpen coach except he died in 1992.”




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Jeremy Blachman is the author of Anonymous Lawyer, a satirical novel that should make people who didn't go to law school feel good about their life choices. Read more at McSweeney's or elsewhere. He likes e-mail.


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tz
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tz
2 years 6 months ago

Now I’m wondering why Theo didn’t scarf up Quinton Beri-Beri this off-season.

JLN
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JLN
2 years 6 months ago

Stubby Clapp cold well be lured from his sub-arctic environs to these Cubbies his manly Canadian ways.

Dayton Moore
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Dayton Moore
2 years 6 months ago

Acid reflux starting to boil up to your Chen? No problem.

Just get some fast relief from Luke Prilosec.

Edwin Encarnacion
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Edwin Encarnacion
2 years 6 months ago

Does it do anything for dropsy?

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