Everything You, As A Baseball Fan, Need To Know About Top Stories In the News


Ebola: No baseball player has yet been diagnosed with Ebola. There are no reported cases of Ebola at major or minor league ballparks. Checking your fantasy stats cannot give you Ebola, nor can participating in your fantasy baseball auction, assuming the auction is online. Ebola is not the cause of your favorite team’s poor season, or the reason why more moves weren’t made at the trading deadline. There is no correlation between OPS+ and Ebola, and the E in Ebola does not stand for Error. Alex Rodriguez is suspended from baseball, but not because he has Ebola.

Iraq: There is no major or minor league baseball affiliate in Iraq. Contrary to rumor, the Expos did not move there when they left Canada. IRAQ is not the same as WHIP. You have a very low chance of being hit by a missile while you watch a baseball game, whether in person or on TV. We are not at war with the American League, nor the National League. Our military activities in Iraq should not affect your fantasy team.

Gaza: Sam Fuld is Jewish.

Robin Williams: Robin Williams is not related to Ted Williams, Mitch Williams, Bernie Williams, Mike Williams, Gerald Williams, Billy Williams, Dick Williams, Jerome Williams, Jimy Williams, Matt Williams, Woody Williams, Scott Williamson, Robin Ventura, Robin Roberts, or Robin Yount.

Print This Post

Jeremy Blachman is the author of Anonymous Lawyer, a satirical novel that should make people who didn't go to law school feel good about their life choices. Read more at McSweeney's or elsewhere. He likes e-mail.

11 Responses to “Everything You, As A Baseball Fan, Need To Know About Top Stories In the News”

You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.
  1. Padres #KeepNotGraphs Guy says:

    There have also been no reported cases of wOBA at Petco this year.

    +33 Vote -1 Vote +1

  2. Yirmiyahu says:

    I own Tony Stewart in a fantasy league. What effect will the fact that he killed a dude have on his season?


    Vote -1 Vote +1

  3. Concerned Citizen says:

    But surely Christy Mack getting nearly beat to death affect playoff odds???

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  4. ColKiner says:

    Does the murders and riots in St. Louis suburbs affect the amount of runs the Cardinal staff continues to allow?

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  5. Clock says:

    Ebola is not the cause of death of Notgraphs.


    Vote -1 Vote +1

  6. Kris says:

    Cistulli thought he had ebola until he released it was only spread through human contact.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  7. Compton says:

    What is left curiously ambiguous is whether or not Alex Rodriguez actually has Ebola.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  8. James Baldwin says:

    Aaaand Michael Brown + lasting riots doesn’t make the NotGraphs headlines, making this the Fox News of baseball humor blogs. Hooray!

    Vote -1 Vote +1

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>