INTERNET, USA — In a move that would be considered shocking if anyone actually cared, baseball-nerd homepage Fangraphs has traded Eno Sarris to another site for baseball pencil pushers, Baseball Prospectus, for a 2014 first-round pick.
FanGraphs CEO and self-made millionaire David Appelman lauded Sarris as “being very good at whatever it is he does,” and added “we’ll be sorry to see him go, I’m sure.”
Sarris was unable to be reached for comment but did tweet “wut” soon after the news broke, which was immediately followed by a tweet ranking a beer no one has ever heard of. Sources indicate that Jeff Sullivan was originally in the mix for a trade, but Sullivan indicated he would exercise his 5000-posts rights, given to writers who have logged 5,000 posts on a site.
Baseball Prospectus editor-in-chief Ben Lindbergh plans to use Sarris and his BBWAA card to ramp up coverage of awkward interviews in locker rooms all over the bay area of California. “It’s an obvious missing piece from our site,” said Lindbergh on a conference call with reporters. “I mean, he’ll do fantasy stuff too,” he added. “But I’m really excited to land that coveted interview about comic books with Pat Neshek.”
Signs are not yet clear as to how FanGraphs will use their 2014 first-round pick, as those things don’t actually exist for baseball writers, but insiders suspect Appelman will try to package it with Dayn Perry’s contract in a move to acquire additional server space.