Fantasy Baseball Team Names, Mine Is Best Duh

Of course it is the fantasy baseball season now.

So, what have you named YOUR team? Carson Cistulli recently mentioned the Second Fangraphs Writers Ottoneu league — here shortened to THE AWESOME LEAGUE — during his podcast with Dayn Perry (FanGraphs Audio: The Gainfully Employed Dayn Perry) and the topic of team names briefly surfaced in their 43 minutes of otherwise unredeemable radio ranting.

There are lots of great fantasy baseball team names out there, and because THE AWESOME LEAGUE (my league) is comprised (a) entirely of writers and (b) partly of NotGraphs writers, who are the beatnik poets of the FanGraphs staff, we NotGraphers have the burdensome task of out-awesoming our peers in the most shortest form of poetry — yes, the fantasy baseball team name.

But, as we are all writers and thereby unreliable, backstabbing, self-loathing types, we cannot be trusted judges of our own team names — it is obviously that mine is best, but still we should put it to a vote and find who is the obviously second and the obviously worstest.

So, dear NotGraphs rabble, speak your soul:

Though I don’t even have like permission to share these THE AWESOME LEAGUE team names, I think we should compel the lowest vote-getter (by, oh, let’s say Wednesday) to change their fantasy team name.

What should they change it too? (tell me in the comments)




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Bradley writes for FanGraphs and The Hardball Times. Follow him on Twitter @BradleyWoodrum.


55 Responses to “Fantasy Baseball Team Names, Mine Is Best Duh”

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  1. Mallow says:

    I named mine The Human Cespedes and think it’s better than all of these.

    I’m a sucker for Brass Bonanza though…

    +5 Vote -1 Vote +1

  2. Jake says:

    Those are all pretty bad team names.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  3. David says:

    Dick Allen fail

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  4. DD says:

    How about “Dan, your Uggla”

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  5. keith m says:

    Anal Hershiser

    +6 Vote -1 Vote +1

  6. MH says:

    I’m planning on attempting to carry forth a tradition of using former fringey Mets prospects who are expected to play a large role in the upcomming season in my team names. Last year was year one of this tradition, when my team was named “Thole Moley!” and this year I shall move on to “The Dudabides”. However, so as not to give away any potential draft strategy, I always use a proxy name until after the draft–my former band name that also works surprisingly well as a fantasy baseball team name: “The Runs”.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  7. Well-Beered Englishman says:

    Oh, come on! Where’s the love for the Houston Babies?!?!

    I mean, granted, that’s already what the real team is called, but still.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  8. rotofan says:

    To honor the memory of my late-Dad, a die-hard Brooklyn Dodgers fan, I named my primary auction team:

    Ebbets Fielders

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  9. Bryan says:

    When Kosuke Fukudome first signed stateside, I named my rec softball team Welcome to the Fukudome. I don’t play fantasy, but I’d probably stick with that if I did.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  10. steex says:

    I strongly suggest that someone who enjoys tasteless names try out Lincecum Dumpster. For the discerning participant who prefers a less popular player pun, I suggest Blow Your Gload.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  11. Jackson says:

    The Texas Matt Cainsaw Massacre
    The Mark Hamburgulars
    The Joe West Side Story

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  12. SAmmy says:

    Uecker’s Stalkers

    Portrait of Jim Joyce as a Young Man

    Balboni Sandwich

    Buffalo Chips

    Quilvio Veras

    Gary Cederstrom & His Orchestra

    Professor Farnsworth’s Wonder Salve

    Confederacy of Dunn’s’s

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  13. ID says:

    Nobody f***s with DeJesus

    +7 Vote -1 Vote +1

  14. buddy says:

    How about the Philadelphia Killa Watts?

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  15. Erik Hahmann says:

    To give the meaning of my team name, I was in a Google doc with another writer and meant to type ‘opposite’ but instead typed ‘poopsite’. He called me out on it.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  16. Mark says:

    Ron Santo’s Leg Lamp
    Slapnuts
    Morning Wood
    Fister Pujols
    I Cano what you did last summer

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  17. Mark says:

    Soria Sonofabitch
    Schilling me softly

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  18. AndyS says:

    Cuddy’er Mak’ers

    +7 Vote -1 Vote +1

  19. Mutt says:

    Rock Car Direction

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  20. Patrick says:

    Show me the Koufax
    Take Maholm Tonight
    Steib in the Dark
    Dennis Boyd’s 4am Benders
    Dukes of Hazzard
    Ass Dribble Cabrera’s

    And for the more literary minded:
    All the Pretty Morse’s
    Les Maicer-ables
    For Whom the Bell Tholes
    Death of a Chris Sale, Man
    Corey Hart is a Lonely Hunter
    The Santana Verses

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  21. Oliver says:

    My team this year is Grand Admiral Braun. /StarWarsDork.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  22. Bryz says:

    Mickey D’s Super Happy Fun Time Gang (just because I like having the longest name in my league)

    Taking Care of Bryz-ness (or alternatively, Risky Bryz-ness)

    St. Peter MacGyver Cult

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  23. David says:

    I like to combine Asian baseball players with insipid romantic comedies. To wit:
    - Love, Hak Ju Lee
    - He’s Just Not That Shin Soo Choo

    +6 Vote -1 Vote +1

  24. rrbass27 says:

    I’ve been going with Royals with Cheese this year.
    I have also used the Hartford Whalers just to keep the Bonanza Alive.
    I love hearing it at Fenway only to be met with blank faces.

    Dave and Patrick Awesome names!

    Salas Con Queso?

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  25. Sixto L. says:

    The Biggest UZR
    Prince Field Sausages (you’d have to be vegan to get that one)
    Piquot Farm Implements (obscure Sinclair Lewis reference)

    (Three of my teams from last year)

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  26. reillocity says:

    Shin-Soo-sanity

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  27. Chris says:

    Owner of a lonely Hart
    Sad but Choo
    Tommy (Hanson) can you hear me?

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  28. Big Poppy says:

    The Royal TenenBrauns

    FTW!! lol

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  29. Regg says:

    boner of a lonely heart kevin mcreynolds

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  30. JdeWitt88 says:

    for the 30 Rock fans these are two i went with last year:
    The Rural Juror
    ICU81MI

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  31. JSN89 says:

    Droppin’ Gloads

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  32. ElJosharino says:

    The last few years I’ve been just throwing the word “Jock” into something that kind of sounds like “Jock”:
    The Jockroaches
    The Jockbrokers
    Jock of Seagulls
    Rock around the Jock
    To Kill A Jockingbird
    etc.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  33. Darby says:

    Lincecum in Her Pujols

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  34. Jblo7 says:

    Brauny Forehead

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  35. Ira says:

    To go with the literary theme: Jesus Flores for Algernon

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  36. Todd says:

    Always Sonny in Grayadelphia

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  37. Satty5 says:

    Phil’ies Nuts

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  38. Joe says:

    Like the Braun Supremacy. My current favorites are Bumpin’ Utley’s and Sexson the Beach. Found both at http://www.BestFantasyTeamNames.com They have hundreds of names that get ranked daily. Hilarious

    Vote -1 Vote +1

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