Feast of St. Sparky the Eldest

Anderson eyes suspiciously rookie outfielder Bobby Higginson.

Today, we herald a single member of the baseballing canon.

Sparky the Eldest

Life: Though he played for sometime in the Dodger and Phillie organizations, Sparky Anderson is most well known for his long managerial career, which includes World Series titles with the 1975 and ’76 Reds, and then the Tigers in 1984. He’s also known for having looked about 75 years old for the greater part of his life.

Ritual: To recognize the life of Sparky the Eldest, yell at someone to turn their rippity-rap music down. Or describe what life was like in the Great Depressions. One or the other.


You were called Sparky
not, as history maintains,
for your spirited play
as a minor leaguer
but because
much like African American superhero
Black Lightning
you were born with the ability
to generate and magnify
external localized
electromagnetic phenomena —
a power you used to great effect
when creating from inorganic compounds
winner of the 1984 Cy Young Award
Willie Hernandez.

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Carson Cistulli has just published a book of aphorisms called Spirited Ejaculations of a New Enthusiast.

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