Finally, You Are Better Than Lou Gehrig

Gehrig 2

There are many things that Lou Gehrig has done in his life that you will never do. You will never win an American League MVP award. You will never hit 49 homers in a season or 493 overall. You will never win a batting title. And lord knows you will not spend even one consecutive game in a major league lineup, let alone 2,130. You will never be as beloved as Lou Gehrig. You will never be as nice as Lou Gehrig. And indeed, you probably aren’t even as good a child to your parents as Lou Gehrig, who lived with his parents until he was 30, despite having gainful employment, so that they could pay the bills. You live with your parents until you’re 30 so that they can pay yours. Shame on you.

If I had my druthers, Lou Gehrig would be alive today in your place. But I don’t. I don’t have any druthers of my own. So you get to stay.

But I have good news for all of you who don’t have it as easy as Lou Gehrig in the genetics, and the athletics, and the upbringing, and the generally being a good person: You were never photographed swinging a club in a loincloth. And no one has spent their day scrutinizing a picture of you to see if your balls are hanging below that loincloth. And in that, I say, good for you. That’s you 1, Lou Gehrig a billion. May your victory be short-lived.

Gehrig

 



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Mike Bates used to have a stupid pseudonym. Now he doesn't because people want to pay him to write about baseball on the Internet and he's really a sell out that way. He is also a Designated Columnist at SBNation, co-founder of The Platoon Advantage, and is an American Carpetbagger on Getting Blanked, the finest in Canadian baseball-type sites. His favorite word is paradigm. Follow him on Twitter here: http://www.twitter.com/commnman


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Miguel Cabrera
Guest
Miguel Cabrera

Yup, those are testicles.

jrogers
Member
Member
jrogers

They always look like landscapes that close.

jcxy
Guest
jcxy

But nope, you’re looking at balls.

ben
Guest
ben

I’m on….tv?

Mike Trout
Guest
Mike Trout

Fuck you, Bates, my parents adore me.

Ivan Calderon
Guest
Ivan Calderon

Forget you. Right now I am very slightly better at baseball than dead Lou Gehrig.

Steve
Guest
Steve

“But I have good news for all of you who don’t have it as easy as Lou Gehrig in the genetics, and the athletics, and the upbringing, and the generally being a good person:”

Isn’t ALS a genetic disease?

Aaron Harang, WHIP Killer
Guest
Aaron Harang, WHIP Killer

No.

Friedrich Nietzsche's Zombie Mustasche
Guest
Friedrich Nietzsche's Zombie Mustasche

I like to think I’m better at trigonometry than Lou Gehrig was.

Morgan Freeman
Guest
Morgan Freeman

what about me????

strange but interesting
Guest
strange but interesting

Check out the wikipedia page on hitting.

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