Periodically, the editors of NotGraphs compile a brief list of team names that remain unused at any level of baseball, accompanied by some suitable hometowns and likely mascots — with a view, that is, to aiding any clubs (either extant or prospective) in search of same. What follows is such a list.
Team Name: Fighting Post-Structuralists*
Possible Locations: Berkeley, CA; The Main Quad of Hampshire College
Mascot: A gender-less, race-less creature to which each member of the crowd will inevitably attach his or her own associations, anyway.
Team Name: Flatizza, Coolatta, McRib Cats
Possible Locations: Middle America
Mascot: The obesity epidemic, personified.
Team Name: Giants of Lobbying Giants
Possible Locations: Washington, DC; Anywhere in Texas, Probably
Mascot: Four of them actually: a cigarette, a hypodermic needle, an oil derrick, and a military drone — all of which compete in a race during the fourth inning of every home game.
Team Name: Marion Cotillard XXX Pics and Video Sox
Possible Locations: Montreal, QC; Quebec City, QC; Other Cities Amenable to French and Sexy Ladies
Mascot: A hybrid character featuring the head of Marion Cotillard but the nude body of a sad, nameless trollop.
Team Name: Uncaring and Emotionally Distant Fathers
Possible Locations: Mid-Century Brooklyn
Mascot: A foam and wire replica of the late Rod Steiger.
*Which name, one notes, is actually rejected by the team itself.
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