Forsake Him Not

Time for the Braves to cut Dan Uggla

– David Schoenfield

However, if you do not obey Dan Uggla and do not carefully follow all his commands and decrees I am giving you today, all these curses will come on you and overtake you:

Dan Uggla will send on you curses, confusion and rebuke in everything you put your hand to, until you are destroyed and come to sudden ruin because of the evil you have done in forsaking him. He will plague you with diseases until he has destroyed you from the land you are entering to possess. He will strike you with wasting disease, with fever and inflammation, with scorching heat and drought, with blight and mildew, which will plague you until you perish. The sky over your head will be bronze, the ground beneath you iron. He will turn the rain of your country into dust and powder; it will come down from the skies until you are destroyed.

He will cause you to be defeated before your enemies. You will come at them from one direction but flee from them in seven, and you will become a thing of horror to all the kingdoms on earth. Your carcasses will be food for all the birds and the wild animals, and there will be no one to frighten them away. He will afflict you with the boils of Egypt and with tumors, festering sores and the itch, from which you cannot be cured. Dan Uggla will afflict you with madness, blindness and confusion of mind. At midday you will grope about like a blind person in the dark.

– Uggleronomy 28:15-29

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8 Responses to “Forsake Him Not”

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  1. Jaack says:

    The most fantastic part of this gif is Uggla’s ever so slightly buldging head.

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  2. tz says:

    Tommy La Stella has to be bracing for the apocalypse now.

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  3. Damaso's Burnt Shirt says:

    THIS! IS! UGG-LAAAAAAAA!

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  4. me says:

    Struggla?

    Uggla just shruggla, then promptly outsluggya.

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  5. Mike Green says:

    An illustrated condensed Haggadah for Gentiles! What a great idea. Just remember to read this before you break out the ham and you’re good to go.

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  6. reillocity says:

    The Uggla version of that movie would have to be retitled “200”.

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