Did you know the best show on television, Game of Thrones, returns to our humble screens this Sunday? Did you also know that baseball premiered on our televisions in earnest last Sunday? It’s impossible that these events are a mere coincidence, so I’ve done the lord’s work by taking the next step and comparing members of the Seattle Mariners to our fictional friends in Westeros.
Jack Z is King Joffrey
The man in charge, whom most would like to see dethroned.
Tony Blengino is Tyrion Lannister
Smart man who quietly led the charge to victory before beige exiled. Also, this writer’s favorite character.
Lloyd McLendon is Jon Snow
Important character that I don’t really care about.
Franklin Gutierrez is Robb Stark
A sexy fan favorite who was felled by less-than-honorable means.
Felix Hernandez is Tywin Lannister
He may not be the actual King, but he might as well be.
Robinson Cano is The Hound
Was with the evil empire for many years, but finally got fed up and left for greener pastures.
Jesus Montero is Daenerys Targaryen
Trying to reclaim their honor, and in possession of ample bosoms.
Michael Saunders is Petyr “Littlefinger” Baelish
Has a place no matter the regime, and not afraid to fight for a larger role.
Willie Bloomquist is Lord Varys
Sticks around no matter the regime, and willing to do what it takes to help the realm succeed.
Brad Miller is Arya Stark
Awkward but deadly.
Justin Smoak is a Dragon
Took awhile to get going, but now on the verge of creating havoc.
Taijuan Walker is Daario Naharis
A late entry last season who will likely make a bigger impact this year.
Corey Hart is Oberyn Martell
First seen in town this season, but could have a major impact.
Because comments are supposed to show that people like a post, I welcome your own submissions, be it from the Mariners or your dumb team of choice. If you post a spoiler, I will #FightYouIRL.
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