Gary Gaetti, Victim of Time

Gollum’s riddle:

This thing all things devours:
Birds, beasts, trees, flowers;
Gnaws iron, bites steel;
Grinds hard stones to meal;
Slays king, ruins town,
And beats high mountain down.

-Gollum, The Hobbit

Answer: Time

Illustration:

garyhigh

Gary Gaetti’s senior High School picture, 1975

Gaetti80s

Gary Gaetti, the early 1980s

Gaetti90s

Gary Gaetti in the 90s.

Gaetti today

Gaetti today, as the manager of the Sugar Land Skeeters

Revelation: Time, you are awful. How long until we are all thus broken by the cruelty of your lash?

Notes on sources: Some men are born to lead. Other men are born to follow. Still others are born to refuse the opportunity to lead, don’t want to follow, and mostly sit around playing and replaying the Mass Effect Trilogy on their PS3s, and hoping to find all the possible outcomes for Commander Sheppard and the crew of the Normandy.

But some men, some very few men, are born to inspire others to greatness. One such man is Gary Joseph Gaetti, who played 20 years in the majors primarily as a third baseman. Gaetti won four Gold Gloves, was an All Star twice, hit 360 homers (80th of all time), won an ALCS MVP award, and was a prime contributor to the Twins 1987 World Series win.

By far his greatest accomplishment, however, is in providing some lonely man in North Dakota the inspiration to create what is indisputedly the greatest Angelfyre website of all time: The Gary Gaetti Cült of Grand Forks, ND.

I will not bother trying to do the Gary Gaetti Cült justice, for it is indescribably thorough in its chronicling the important images of Gaetti and his career. But I got the first image from there. You are encouraged to check it out in all of its glory.




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Mike Bates used to have a stupid pseudonym. Now he doesn't because people want to pay him to write about baseball on the Internet and he's really a sell out that way. He is also a Designated Columnist at SBNation, co-founder of The Platoon Advantage, and is an American Carpetbagger on Getting Blanked, the finest in Canadian baseball-type sites. His favorite word is paradigm. Follow him on Twitter here: http://www.twitter.com/commnman


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Smada
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Smada

I can’t un-see what I just saw

Rich Little
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Rich Little

I can’t not just un-see what I didn’t just see.

me
Guest
me

i un-can’t disbelieve what you’ve just not missed unseeing

me
Guest
me

just in the nick of gary gaetti

Art Vandelay
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Member
Art Vandelay

I’m originally from Grand Forks, Jeannie’s is where my Grandmother would take me for liver and onions.

Art Vandelay
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Member
Art Vandelay

Of all the things I would expect to see on NotGraphs, my hometown is not one of them. Well played Mike Bates.

John Elway
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Vice Chair Ronnie James Dio…

How do I join??!?!!

RobM
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RobM

Gary Gaetti in high school and Gary Gaetti today better than the two in between.

The Stranger
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The Stranger

Like sands through the hourglass, so are the days of Gary Gaetti’s life.

macseries
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macseries

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=01aMu2Sy7AY‎

gonna be my. my victim of time. be my. my victim of time.

Sugarland
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Sugarland

Skeet Skeet Skeet….

AC of DC
Guest
AC of DC

Devouring Time, bunt down the third-base line,
And mock the legs that struggle as in mud;
Displace a mighty Tiger from his prime,
Retire a star of Phoenix as a scrub.
Deny all final seasons aught but shame;
Old powers wilt; exalt swift rookies’ feet,
That dazzle crowds who, not respecting names,
Exchange Tithonus then for Ganymede.
But, Scourge of Hours, thy reign cannot be long
Enough to ever dim Gaetti’s grin.
For though, of course, his hairline has withdrawn,
His vigor keeps this hero of the Twins.
Thou mayst no more the Rat move from our loves,
Than could thy bat o’ercome his Golden Gloves.

tz
Guest
tz

THIS officially raises the bar for all of Notgraphs.

Bravo!!

Garys of Olde
Member
Member
Garys of Olde

Thank you for giving this matter attention.

Spa City
Member
Member
Spa City

Gaetti is a victim of time… as well as a terrible hair stylist… and a prominent overbite… and the poor judgment regarding facial hair.

JtheExploder
Member
JtheExploder

“G-Man turned me on to Frank Zappa. That guy could play the guitar. Back when I was playing we would listen to that stuff. G-Man kind of looked like Zappa a little bit!” – Kent Hrbek, on Gary Gaetti

JtheExploder
Member
JtheExploder
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