Get a Team-Logo Credit Card and/or Change Your Whole Life

Red Sox check card 1

In these difficult times, there are many decisions to make: what to wear for work, where to eat for dinner, how hard to cry about all of the day’s myriad failures. At NotGraphs, we understand this. That’s why, with a view to aiding our small but constantly beloved readership, we’d like to make you aware of a decision you don’t have to make.

Sometimes, when signing up for a credit card, a client of this or that bank has the opportunity to select a card featuring a graphic of his favorite baseball team’s logo. Like the Red Sox, for example, which are a baseball team. Or the Cardinals, which are a different baseball team.

While, superficially, the prospect of a Visa bearing the imprint of a professional sporting club might appear to offer some combination of fun and/or games, it actually represents what is known in the psychological community (presumably) as an “existential crossroads.” Which is to say — and, again, this is rock-hard science, almost certainly supported by research somewhere — which is to say, the more inclined one is to request a credit card bearing the name of his favorite team, the more probably that same one has neglected to stare deeply of late into the true Truth.

“The desire for a credit card with the Yankees logo on it, for example,” a medical professional either has or hasn’t said in the author’s presence of late, “is nearly infallible so far as diagnostic tools are concerned. Like, if I find that a patient has purposely requested one of those, I’m immediately like, ‘He’s got little or nothing to live for. Time to bring out the big guns.'”

The conclusion at which one invariably arrives? Avoid such credit cards to whatever degree is possible. And if “to whatever degree is possible” amounts to nothing, then seek help — either with a trained counselor or, at least, by reading Rainer Maria Rilke’s “Archaic Torso of Apollo” a bunch of times and seeing if it helps at all.



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Carson Cistulli has just published a book of aphorisms called Spirited Ejaculations of a New Enthusiast.


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Chris Moran
Guest

A Rilke reference in an article that is kind of about baseball is great. Also, it has probably not happened before. Please try to do this again.

Soup
Guest
Soup

That absurdism really got you all in a tizzy. Are you OK, Carson? Give me a call anytime if you need to talk to someone.

tz
Guest
tz

A Pirates-logo card would be the most absurd, IMHO.

Even worse was the David Littlefield Pirates Logo Debit Card. Apparently, this did not come with overdraft protection.

Tim
Guest
Tim

There’s also a Marlins logo card that comes with a 73-cent credit limit.

Tim
Guest
Tim

But free balance transfers to any Blue Jays logo card.

Wally
Guest
Wally

Also, the great poet D.G. Temple’s “Omar Vizquel and His Magic Car”… a contemporary distillation of “Archaic Torso.”

Yehuda Hamer
Guest
Yehuda Hamer

My Atlanta Braves credit card has not worked in October for many years.

Mustard n Brown
Member
Mustard n Brown

I read this as I sit alone eating a Meatball Sub that I just paid for with my Padres Logo Mastercard. There is now parmesan cheese that some poor soul will have to clean off the Subway Restaurant floor because of the airflow caused from my guffaw over reading this article.

jcxy
Guest
jcxy

wait, how does this help?

“for here there is no place
that does not see you. You must change your life.”

wpDiscuz