Get Yer Middleton Rookie Card

I was and am a Topps brand evangelist. Sure, as a kid I had a sherpa’s load of Fleer and Donruss cards lying around, but something about the Topps family of products inspired in me a consumerist loyalty I would not experience again until my discovery of fine Corinthian leather.

Why is this the case? It’s probably hail-fellow-well-met Manny Sanguillen. How can you see this expression of uncorrupted joy at the world about us …

… And not emerge from the experience with a love for everything everywhere? You cannot, say I.

Anyhow, I recently began purchasing Topps cards anew for my male human child, who will one day — provided he agrees not to follow his father into the absurd, toad-like existence of the liberal-arts major — inherit the full complement of my palatial holdings. And now comes this, a Topps innovation like none other

Sure, I don’t care a whit about the confluence of lowered expectations and bet-hedging known as a “wedding,” and I don’t care about the World’s Leading Preppies and their opulent rituals. But I do care about kings. Why? Because the very mention of such an ancient and now-mythical designation makes me think a unicorn or an elf might show up.

I won’t buy this — holy crap, I will not buy this — but knowing it’s out there makes me think of dragons. So thanks again, Topps. I very much look forward to once again giving you some U.S. currency in exchange for durable goods.




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Handsome Dayn Perry can be found making love to the reader at CBSSports.com's Eye on Baseball. He is available for all your Twitter needs.


2 Responses to “Get Yer Middleton Rookie Card”

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  1. Yah, i totally didn’t put together a searchable wordpress installation of every topps baseball card: http://www.toppsarchives.com and football card: http://www.toppsarchives.com/fb/ and a twitter robot that spits out all sorts of random cards with the clever name, @random_card

    God, I love being a baseball card junkie. This is however the dumbest thing ever. I looked at a ’97 Topps Princess Diana Comic? Book and it routinely sells for….99 cents.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  2. gnomez says:

    Is that Wesley Willis?

    Vote -1 Vote +1

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