A bat in the stands–

this is what love looks like

–now wrapped in leathery hands.

The secret vinegar murky in Canadian veins,
Something wicked has thawed from winter pains.
A raspy, throaty call, an elk in the distance?
Or the beast of silent knife falls?
The bat is yours. Swim three rows deep of Maple leaf
and rip it from this king’s claws,

or let it be.

A thousand thank yous to this unpronounceable man.

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Bradley writes for FanGraphs and The Hardball Times. Follow him on Twitter @BradleyWoodrum.

25 Responses to “GIF: Declares Old Man, “NOW I AM KING OF BAT MOUNTAIN!””

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  1. @dcholcomb says:

    I didn’t know Andy Warhol was a Blue Jays guy.

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  2. Rob says:

    Kudos to the guy behind him for doing a good pantomime less than a full second later. Guy was ready to go.

    +22 Vote -1 Vote +1

  3. Matthew says:

    No love for the guy in the suit? Within a three second period, he goes from his seat to about to climb over his neighbors back to seemingly imitate a good calf roping to calm and pleasant. “It’s got to be the hair, Cotton”.

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    • ElJosharino says:

      Yeah, I like this guy. He’s like, “Oh hey! YEAH! Great stuff happeni… eh, nevermind.”

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  4. Jaack says:

    Woman in the bottom left looks like she’s taking a breather from a line of coke.

    +6 Vote -1 Vote +1

  5. Forrest Gumption says:

    Isn’t that Thomas Pynchon?!?!?!

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  6. Wow. So here’s an excerpt from the poem’s original ending, before I edited it down:

      Two rows back,
      he’s waving an invisible bat,

      and two seats right,
      is he looking for a fight?

      One seat back,
      her shield’s a blue hat.

      Front row lady raises,
      “Did the bat hit any faces?”

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  7. dl80 says:

    Don’t forget the three older gentlemen in the front row. The hatless guy in the white shirt (is that Dick Cheney??) turns his head on a swivel, motivating the guy to his left (our right) to do the same. Then the guy one more seat to HIS left (with the lanyard around his neck…wait, is he in college?) to snap his head back in the opposite direction.

    It’s like some weird old-guy version of sit, stand, lay improv. “Oh wait! He’s turning around! I have to turn back!”

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  8. ptb says:

    i was watching this as it went down; according to the indians broadcasters, there was the usual ritual exchange of two non-game bats for kipnis’ game bat, but then the crazy old guy threw one of the gift bats over the indians’ dugout roof, no lie.

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  9. Johnny Come Lately says:

    It could be Mike Myers’ dad (played by Mike Myers) in So I Married an Axe Murderer.

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  10. scout1222 says:

    This is what’s so wonderful about GIFs – there are so many layers, especially in a GIF with so many people. Excellent observations, all.

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  11. DoctorJ says:

    Why did I just spend an hour examining this?

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  12. Eno Sarris says:

    I was told in no uncertain terms that the bat-wielder is female. I don’t see it, but hey, could be.

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  13. bluejays49 says:

    The guy is Arron Barberian, he owns one of the best steakhouses in Toronto.

    Believe it or not, I’ve actually both met him, and am friends with the kid he wrestled with for the bat (in the Baseball Canada hat). But they don’t know each other.

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  14. Adrock says:

    This is the closest I have ever come to being captured in a Notgraphs .gif.
    A mere 50 feet to the right, and I would have been immortalized. It’s a reminder–to me, my friends, and the friends of my friends–that Notgraphs is always watching.

    I can also vouch for the steakhouse of Mr. Barberian. It is excellent. Since the mid-70’s, they have permitted entrance sans lanyard, although a collared shirt is still required.

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  15. ElJosharino says:

    How about blue sweatshirt lady in the bottom left? It’s like the old guy thrusting the bat about is somehow bringing her to life.

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  16. ElJosharino says:

    Also, polo jacket guy just to the left of red hat kid is above all of this nonsense.

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  17. ElJosharino says:

    Also, in the very top right corner is a vest that looks like someone is wearing just the bun part of a hot dog costume.

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  18. Crash says:

    I’ll be damned, it IS Arron Barberian. And yes, he has the perfect surname for the owner of a steakhouse.

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  19. Leroy says:

    LOL! No one is even talking about the guy to his immediate left that flinched

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