Glob Life Park in Arlington

Insurance

Sorry, I guess it’s Globe Life, not Glob Life. In either case, we here sitting in front of my computer writing this NotGraphs post do not find this name appealing in any way at all. Apparently the previous sponsor of the Rangers’ ballpark was Ameriquest (although we here in front of my computer do not remember ever knowing this), until Ameriquest, “a major subprime lender… fired thousands of employees and paid $325 million in settlements over claims of deceptive lending practices.” That certainly bodes well for you, Glob Life.

The Dallas Morning News, desperately seeking some sparkly modern interactive content for its website, is running a poll asking its readers whether they like the name Globe Life Park in Arlington. As of this writing, 87.07% say no, and 12.93% say yes. It is unclear to 100% of the people writing this post who the 12.93% are who (a) like the name Globe Life Park in Arlington, and (b) are so enthusiastic about it that they decided to click yes on this poll on the Dallas Morning News website.

I was hoping one of these voters would leave a comment, but, alas, I don’t see a place for comments underneath the poll. Instead, I’ve decided to make one up. Here are a few imaginary voters, explaining their imaginary yes votes.

I’m actually a customer of Globe Life Insurance, and I like to be reminded that my family is protected in the event of my death every time I go see a Rangers game.

I’ve actually been thinking about buying life insurance, ever since we went out to a bar with Tanner Scheppers and got sucker-punched. I didn’t know where to turn. Now I know.

I’m always looking for my new insurance company on a sign at the baseball games I attend. Thanks, Globe Life– you have a new customer.

Globe Life Park is the perfect name for the stadium of my favorite team, the Globe Trotters.

Perfect name. Ever since my house was foreclosed upon by Ameriquest, I have been living on the street — or, as one might say, on the globe. So Globe Life describes my situation perfectly.

I like the name — just not sure which globe they’re referring to.




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Jeremy Blachman is the author of Anonymous Lawyer, a satirical novel that should make people who didn't go to law school feel good about their life choices. Read more at McSweeney's or elsewhere. He likes e-mail.


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John Paschal
Guest
John Paschal
2 years 5 months ago

Funny thing is, I established Slob Life Arena quite some time ago.

In fact, I’m sitting in it now.

Tupac Shakur
Guest
Tupac Shakur
2 years 5 months ago

Thug Life Park – Str8 Ballin’

reillocity
Guest
reillocity
2 years 5 months ago

Strobe Lite Park in Arlington would be a much more interesting venue for night games.

BenReverDoesSteroids
Guest
BenReverDoesSteroids
2 years 5 months ago

Not only will we all get to call the Rangers the Globe Trotters now, but we will be able to refer to their home stadium as “The Globe.” How classy is that?

Erik
Guest
2 years 5 months ago

“I’m actually a customer of Globe Life Insurance, and I like to be reminded that my family is protected in the event of my death every time I go see a Rangers game.”

I wonder if premiums have gone down since Hamilton moved to Anaheim…

AC of DC
Guest
AC of DC
2 years 5 months ago

Wasn’t Ameriquest an epic by mid-20th century bardic figure Paul Simon?

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