God Will Not Be Writing For NotGraphs

Rob Neyer launched FoxSports.com’s Just A Bit Outside Grantland-like site-within-a-site last week, announcing in his introductory post that actor Jeff Garlin would be writing for the site. He had to take that back a couple of days later (oh, Hollywood…).

Which reminded me to let you know… despite what I thought was a firm promise, God will not be writing for NotGraphs this week. See, I reached out to him (her?) at a particularly desperate moment a few weeks ago, asking for some help with post topics — inspiration, perhaps, or if he wanted to send someone down to just write the whole thing for me, my door is always open. And I was pretty sure I saw some lightning afterwards, or a shooting star, or some sign or another that there was order in the universe and we aren’t all just accidents of evolution. Anyway, the sign indicated to me that even though God was busy that week, he would be willing to take a couple of posts off my plate this week, especially since he’s been working on a new study regarding the ability he gives someone to grow facial hair and how it relates to the ability he gives them to throw a fastball, and he wanted to share some preliminary results. I didn’t get anything in writing, because, you know, I figured if there was anyone’s word I could trust, it would be God. But now it’s Monday, and despite the early interest, now I’m not getting an answer to any of my e-mails, voice mails, or prayers (hey, that also sounds just like my current experience trying to find a part-time babysitter for my 9-month-old son… but that’s a piece for a different website!), so I think I just have to suck it up and admit to myself that it’s not going to happen. God will not be writing for NotGraphs.

In fact, it seems like he may be deciding to smite down the entire site. Hopeless Joe is getting very concerned.



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Jeremy Blachman is the author of Anonymous Lawyer, a satirical novel that should make people who didn't go to law school feel good about their life choices. Read more at McSweeney's or elsewhere. He likes e-mail.


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Mike Trout
Guest
Mike Trout

Don’t I do enough already anyway?

Rather
Guest
Rather

the ArchAngel Micheal Trout.

Barry Bonds
Guest
Barry Bonds

Good joke, but please do not take My name in vain.

Yirmiyahu
Member

But you promised!

George Burns
Guest
George Burns

Aww c’mon. I got all kinds of time these days…

Paul G.
Guest
Paul G.

If you only see one set of footprints in the sand, that means he has been carrying you. In your case, possibly in more ways than one.

Did you ask him if Jesus could hit a curveball?

Doug Lampert
Guest
Doug Lampert

Eh? I thought everyone knew, Jesus is a relief pitcher, that’s why everyone says “Jesus Saves”.

MDL
Member
MDL
Jesus
Guest
Jesus

Don’t remind me of that guy. I’m THIS close to changing my name because of him.

John Paschal
Member

Alas, no mortal will be writing for NotGraphs, either.

Chico's Bail Bonds
Guest
Chico's Bail Bonds

It’s almost as if the Almighty knew what was coming…

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