Going to a Sox Game with My 90-Year-Old Grandfather

Mere hours ago, I attended a Boston Red Sox-Florida Marlins game with my 90-year-old grandfather, Philip (né Filippo) Cistulli. Below is a brief account of same.

Before I begin in earnest, some brief information about my grandfather: he’s originally from Bristol, Connecticut, son of immigrants. After his father died (when my grandfather was quite young), he resolved more or less to become The World’s Greatest Pater Familias. By most accounts, he succeeded. He’s now a widower who splits his time between Florida and the Boston area.

Another note: despite the fact that my grandfather’s story could very well be rendered beautifully and heartbreakingly by someone so inclined to do such a thing, Carson Cistulli is decidedly not that writer. Most of our interactions consist of him offering career advice and me pretending I know better. It would be disingenuous to represent them otherwise.

Now, here:

Five Brief Conversations We Had
ONE
Me: Grandpa, you mind if I write about our trip to the game this afternoon?

Grandfather: I’d be honored — so long as you don’t write anything stupid.

TWO
Me: [Returning with two hot dogs] Grandpa, you catch any foul balls while I was gone?

Grandfather: Two.

Me: Two? What’d you do with them?

Grandfather: Threw’em back on the field.

THREE
Grandfather: Who’s that pitching there?

Me: Clay Buchholz.

Grandfather: He could have a good season if he gets back on track.

Me: Back on track? Grandpa, are you thinking of Josh Beckett?

Grandfather: [Pause] It’s possible that I’m thinking of Josh Beckett.

FOUR
Me: [After Florida Marlin Mike Stanton’s second home run] Whaddaya think about Mike Stanton, Grandpa?

Grandfather: The Red Sox need someone like him, someone with power.

Me: Well, they’re pretty good, Grandpa, the Red Sox.

Grandfather: [Not satisfied in any way by this remark] That’s what they say.

FIVE
Grandfather: [After David Ortiz’ third strikeout] Assorted Grumbling.

Me: Ortiz was actually the best DH in the league last year, Grandpa.

Grandfather: Variations on Assorted Grumbling.

What My Grandfather Talked About, and Where
Before the Game, at His Condo
Citrus fruits, the virtues of.

En Route to the Game
This one drawbridge, its habits.

At the Game
The intensity of the sun and what it meant to his (i.e. my grandfather’s) upper back.

On the Way Home
Publix supermarkets, distribution of in Jupiter, FL and vicinity.

Back at the Condo
Cranberry juice.

The View From Where I Wrote This




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Carson Cistulli has just published a book of aphorisms called Spirited Ejaculations of a New Enthusiast.


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mattymatty2000
Guest
5 years 3 months ago

Look at all those clouds. You must be upset!

hjrrockies
Guest
hjrrockies
5 years 3 months ago

Carson, these are the kind of articles that keep me in love with NotGraphs

Danmay
Guest
Danmay
5 years 3 months ago

Your grandfather sounds like a great baseball fan. (While that sentence may appear sarcastic to those looking for it, I assure you, it isn’t. I bet he cheers hard as hell sometimes, if only rarely.)

Mike
Guest
Mike
5 years 3 months ago

More than anything, I love the style in which you write, Carson. The humor is just an awesome by product.

Jared
Guest
Jared
5 years 3 months ago

Needs more Joe West.

Chris Cwik
Member
Member
5 years 3 months ago

Yes, but what of his opinions on those new-fangled advanced statistics?

Peter
Guest
5 years 3 months ago

There is no one else right now whose writing makes me laugh out loud as consistently as Mr. Cistulli’s.

This part particularly had me crackin up:

“What My Grandfather Talked About, and Where
Before the Game, at His Condo
Citrus fruits, the virtues of.

En Route to the Game
This one drawbridge, its habits.”

Steve Marino
Guest
5 years 3 months ago

Shit My (Gran)Dad Says meets Sabremetrics. This could be huge.

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