Hopeless Joe Reacts to the End of NotGraphs

Well, everything ends, eventually. Especially when I’m involved.

Remember Friendster? Yep, I killed it. That was me. Tried to make a few friends, people complained to the site — who would want to be friends with a guy like me? — and all the users left and there goes that.

The end of a short period of stability in the Middle East? My fault. Can’t remember what I did, but I’m sure it was terrible.

I read a book not that long ago called The End of Men. My fault too. Weak sperm. Low testosterone. Too many soy products, maybe. What can I say, I love tempeh.

Anyway, NotGraphs. Been a good run. As soon as Carson told me the news, I offered to take the reins– HopelessGraphs, anyone?– but a site focused primarily on Dan Uggla, B.J. Upton, and former Yankees prospect Brien Taylor probably wouldn’t be much of a hit with readers.

Okay, okay, there was a half-truth in that last paragraph. Offering to take over wasn’t the FIRST thing I did when I heard the news. First I tried to find whatever pills I had in my medicine cabinet to see if any of them could help dull the pain. Fourteen TUMS and a couple of Imodium later and, I tell you, my stomach felt a little funny but I was still pretty disappointed. A Sudafed helped get rid of my stuffy nose. But still sad.

Then I watched a couple of innings of the Mets game and realized this whole sport is kind of silly anyway.


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Jeremy Blachman is the author of Anonymous Lawyer, a satirical novel that should make people who didn't go to law school feel good about their life choices. Read more at McSweeney's or elsewhere. He likes e-mail.

19 Responses to “Hopeless Joe Reacts to the End of NotGraphs”

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  1. #KeepNotGraphs says:

    Hopeless Joe and I having the exact same response to the news about NotGraphs…

    #HopelessGraphs indeed.

    +15 Vote -1 Vote +1

  2. Brian says:

    Wait is it really over or is this some kind of in-joke that I missed?

    I’ve busted NotGraphs’s collective balls once in a while (mostly for being overly self-reverential) but overall I thought it was a benefit to the FanGraphs community.

    Any additional details for us?

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  3. Dayn Perry's Appendage says:

    #KeepNotGraphs #HopelessGraphs

    +10 Vote -1 Vote +1

  4. NotGraphsForeverCistulliNever says:


    +12 Vote -1 Vote +1

  5. Seriously. #KeepNotGraphs says:


    +7 Vote -1 Vote +1

  6. Krazy George says:


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  7. Justin says:

    I would totally read a blog that only contained Hopeless Joe posts.


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  8. NCL75 says:

    I’m glad that Eno’s booger article is finally knocked off the top of the pile. Way too long for that gross gif to be on top. Especially after I had been telling all my friends far and near to check out the dying site..

    Vote -1 Vote +1

    • #KeepNotGraphs says:

      And tell your friends that there are even better Hopeless Joe articles filed under “Hopeless Joe”. This one was good but a little too close to home.

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  9. mike says:

    Best article I ever read was the write-up of the Nationals game as if it was a soccer game. Breathe new life into this thing #HopelessGraphs

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  10. Urban Shocker says:

    sigh, Fire Joe Morgan gone, Yard Work gone, Hopeless Joe about to shuffle off this mortal coil…
    #KeepNotGraphs #Batflipsarepeopletoo

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    • Kris says:

      All those things gone, yet:

      The anti-biotic resistant variant of chlamydia that I paid a voodoo princess (and also a really good prostitute with super-affordable rates if you’re ever in Toronto) to curse upon Carson Cistulli IS PERMANENT or so I’ve been told.

      Also, I need to collect $1.37 from each of you to pay for this curse. Paypal and money orders accepted.

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      • JRM says:

        How is this going to show up on my bank statement?

        Because the entry:

        Voodoo Princess/Prostitute $1.37

        …is going to trigger questions from my wife.

        +17 Vote -1 Vote +1

  11. Jenstrom says:

    …and so I scream out my insides, the fuel my crushing boredom and lack of focus. So few things exist that I enjoy, and yet one more will be taken from me, just when I need it most. Why must it be this way?!


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  12. A concerned reader says:

    NotGraphs had been the only thing that helped me overcome the demise of WalkOffWalk. I’m fucking pissed and I refuse to read you guys until the last out of the World Series. I’m done and disappointed. And pissed.

    P.S. #KeepNotGraphs

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  13. Ridge Detail says:


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