Hopeless Joe Reacts To The Fielder-Kinsler Trade

Shrug.

I’ve always gotten Fielder and Kinsler confused anyway. Seven letters in their last names. Both getting paid millions of dollars to play baseball. Okay, one of them can’t grow facial hair and the other one has a neck tattoo, but can anyone really keep the two of them straight? Physically, I mean. If you described each one to a police sketch artist, they’d end up looking like twins. Also, statistically. They both hit like thirty doubles a year. And that’s just the start of their similarities. (And the end.) Their Bill James Similarity Score must be like 950. (Or 50.)

So it’s just two more interchangeable parts being swapped for each other. The fans won’t even notice a difference on the field, and it doesn’t do anything to help fix up the Obamacare website. I don’t have time to worry about Ian Fielder and Prince Kinsler. I’ve been trying to buy health insurance for almost two months.




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Jeremy Blachman is the author of Anonymous Lawyer, a satirical novel that should make people who didn't go to law school feel good about their life choices. Read more at McSweeney's or elsewhere. He likes e-mail.


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Hopeless Jaack
Guest
Hopeless Jaack
2 years 10 months ago

Why even both buying health insurance, when we’re all going to be dead anyway.

lowcountryjoe
Guest
lowcountryjoe
2 years 10 months ago

It makes total sense to buy insurance AFTER you need to make a health related claim…don’t know how that’s really consider insurance though; especially since premiums are not being set by how risky the insured is.

Professor
Guest
Professor
2 years 10 months ago

I would argue that the sociological research would indicate that a white man (you are white right?) describing both a black man and a white man to a sketch artist would result in quite different results.

BBC Viewer
Guest
BBC Viewer
2 years 10 months ago

Oprah? Is that you?

jfree
Member
jfree
2 years 10 months ago

Fielder obviously wasn’t able to do anything about the feral dogs in Detroit problem because like most pseudo-royal vegetarians he wasn’t able to connect with them. Kinsler OTOH has a pet dog and eats hot dogs so he might be more successful.

BenRevereDoesSteroids
Guest
BenRevereDoesSteroids
2 years 10 months ago

Except that Kinsler is a Jew so he may not eat hot dogs.

Joe Pesci
Guest
Joe Pesci
2 years 10 months ago

Just to clarify, he once was a vegetarian, he hasn’t been for years. It’s just like the fact that people still believe Al Gore said he invented the internet.

Former Hot Dog Vendor
Guest
Former Hot Dog Vendor
2 years 10 months ago

#LongLiveMustard

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