Hopeless Joe’s Best Buy Low Candidate of 2014

My best buy low candidate for 2014 is Ted Williams. He is likely to come very cheap in drafts, but as cryogenic technology continues to mature, each year Williams has a growing chance of returning to life, returning to the majors, and returning to the top of the leaderboards. Especially the OBP leaderboard (Overall Brain Percentage), because I think it’s only his head that was frozen, right?

If you want to take a chance on a player who might truly be a difference-maker, I think you have no choice but to draft Williams. His revival will not only make a difference to your fantasy team’s statistics, but also to the entirety of mankind. And only a small number of fantasy teams can ever aspire to make a lasting difference to the world. So why not dream?

It is of course sensible to be a little skeptical that Williams could ever emerge from cryogenic preservation to again become the hitter that he once was — after all, he was 83 years old when he died, and hadn’t played a major league game in over 40 years. To that I say that sometimes the psychological element of baseball is often ignored by the stats. Think about how scared a pitcher would be to throw the ball to an unfrozen Ted Williams. I think this anxiety, confusion, and puzzlement might overwhelm any small age-related decline that Williams might have experienced. I think pitchers would have significantly decreased control, and if Williams can walk, he will end up walking a lot. Contributing, of course, to his league-leading OBP (the regular kind).

I understand why people would want to be frozen, if money is no object and you would otherwise just toss $200K plus a monthly maintenance fee into the trash. Why not? What’s the worst that can happen, aside from your soul being in a permanent state of limbo and not being allowed to enter the afterlife?

So after striking out with my buy low candidates from 2011 (Cal Ripken, Jr.), 2012 (Cal Ripken, Sr.), and 2013 (Derek Jeter), I am confident that Ted Williams will make your 2014 teams much more… something.

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Jeremy Blachman is the author of Anonymous Lawyer, a satirical novel that should make people who didn't go to law school feel good about their life choices. Read more at McSweeney's or elsewhere. He likes e-mail.

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Jason B
Jason B
3 years 7 days ago

Much more…heady.

3 years 6 days ago

Good call on the OBP. With his current cranium-only physique, his strike zone will be impossible to nail.