How Are Ballplayers Hoping to Gain an Edge in the Post-PED World of Tomorrow?

The recent Biogenesis suspensions levied by Major League Baseball are leaving many anti-aging clinics and other “sports wellness” organizations scrambling to come up with new kinds of performance enhancing substances and new methods by which to consume them.

Many players are hoping that Dino DNA Gumdrops™ will be an accessible, inexpensive source of powers.

An anonymous survey of players at the major and minor league levels was recently administered by the NotGraphs Investigative Reporting Investigation Team, the results of which (posted below) might inspire the leaders of the aforementioned clinics and organizations as they brainstorm new ways to tarnish America’s pastime.

Print This Post

Hire Robert J. Baumann to live-blog your next birthday party, family reunion, or corporate event. You will not want to forget it soon.

7 Responses to “How Are Ballplayers Hoping to Gain an Edge in the Post-PED World of Tomorrow?”

You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.
  1. Jose Bautista says:

    3.3333%: Cut a deal with the NSA for real-time info on opponents’ signs.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  2. Alexander Nevermind says:

    The obvious answer is more Phiten products. Harness the powers of titanium!

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  3. frivoflava29 says:

    Adamantium! Don’t like how close that inside pitch was? Walk up and slice the pitcher’s throat. Cut his throat for the edge you deserve.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  4. rusty says:

    CORRECTION: The list erroneously omits the subject of the infographic: 22% “Regular games of Trivial Pursuit, played back at the motel while on road-trips.”
    Note that respondents were allowed to select more than one answer.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  5. Chaos Path says:

    While I am pleased that it does not add up to 100, I am somewhat disappointed that it does not add up to 110.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  6. mrfood says:

    Dino-Dna gummies will probably lead to a lot of short-arm throwers.

    Vote -1 Vote +1