How Corey Kluber Appears to Different Animals

MLB: Chicago White Sox at Cleveland Indians

Apropos of nothing, the author wondered idly this morning how Cleveland right-hander and current pitching WAR leader Corey Kluber might appear to a typical canine, given the constraints on that particular animal’s faculty of vision.

Apropos of retaining his position as an employee of the present site, the author pursued that line of inquiry slightly further — far enough, at least, to have produced the following three images, each of which represents how Corey Kluber appears to a different kind of animal.

Here, for example, is how Corey Kluber appears to a horse — which animal possesses binocular vision:

Kluber Horse

Here, for a second example, is how Kluber appears to a dog — which type of animal possesses only dichromatic color perception:

kluber - DogVision

Here, finally, is how Corey Kluber appears to a dead eagle — which eagle died, presumably, while defending freedom:

Kluber Dead




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Carson Cistulli occasionally publishes spirited ejaculations at The New Enthusiast.


18 Responses to “How Corey Kluber Appears to Different Animals”

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  1. John Elway says:

    Cistulli, you’ve revealed the secret of why I was so fearless in the pocket.

    And why I didn’t give baseball a full shot. Can’t even imagine trying to pick up a Josh Collmenter pitch.

    Just neighing.

    +30 Vote -1 Vote +1

  2. Vic Vinegar says:

    I request that this is continued with a 294-part series – one for each glorious inning that Klubes has tossed in the bigs.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  3. Joe Montana says:

    Freedom and democracy are for losers. Just NEIGHING!

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  4. Soup says:

    Why won’t that last picture load?

    Vote -1 Vote +1

  5. The Ghost Of The Dove That Randy Johnson Killed says:

    That last picture looks very familiar.

    +12 Vote -1 Vote +1

  6. JRM says:

    Man, what a bandwagon jumper Cistulli is. Not a peep out of him regarding Kluber until Corey’s destroying all humans, then some light photoshopping. I come here for prescient analysis, and there was nothing ever said about Corey Kluber before today. I am sad about this.

    A good writer would sometimes be right in all this fringe prospect stuff; I mean, I’d expect at least one comment on Charlie Blackmon before this year from a competent writer. New, much shorter Wiki entry: Carson “Bandwagon” Cistulli of Paris, France, writes about players who have become good.

    Shame on you, Carson. Shame.

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  7. Corey Kluber joined Koufax, the Big Unit, Pedro, and a few others to become only the tenth pitcher since 1914 (which is when monthly splits are available for) to record 60+ strikeouts in a calendar month while walking fewer than 10.

    There’s more about it here, if you’re interested:

    http://www.letsgotribe.com/2014/6/3/5770746/best-month-roger-clemens-randy-johnson-pedro-martinez-corey-kluber

    He also set a franchise record for highest K/9 for a month, with 12.56.

    Vote -1 Vote +1

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