How Corey Kluber Appears to Different Animals

MLB: Chicago White Sox at Cleveland Indians

Apropos of nothing, the author wondered idly this morning how Cleveland right-hander and current pitching WAR leader Corey Kluber might appear to a typical canine, given the constraints on that particular animal’s faculty of vision.

Apropos of retaining his position as an employee of the present site, the author pursued that line of inquiry slightly further — far enough, at least, to have produced the following three images, each of which represents how Corey Kluber appears to a different kind of animal.

Here, for example, is how Corey Kluber appears to a horse — which animal possesses binocular vision:

Kluber Horse

Here, for a second example, is how Kluber appears to a dog — which type of animal possesses only dichromatic color perception:

kluber - DogVision

Here, finally, is how Corey Kluber appears to a dead eagle — which eagle died, presumably, while defending freedom:

Kluber Dead




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Carson Cistulli has just published a book of aphorisms called Spirited Ejaculations of a New Enthusiast.


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John Elway
Member
1 year 11 months ago

Cistulli, you’ve revealed the secret of why I was so fearless in the pocket.

And why I didn’t give baseball a full shot. Can’t even imagine trying to pick up a Josh Collmenter pitch.

Just neighing.

Vic Vinegar
Guest
Vic Vinegar
1 year 11 months ago

I request that this is continued with a 294-part series – one for each glorious inning that Klubes has tossed in the bigs.

I don't care what anyone
Guest
I don't care what anyone
1 year 11 months ago

Why are you trying to put a cap on the number of articles he writes about Kluber?

Vic Vinegar
Guest
Vic Vinegar
1 year 11 months ago

There is only so much beauty that this world can handle.

Well-Beered Englishman
Guest
Well-Beered Englishman
1 year 11 months ago

We at least need to see Corey Kluber from the eyes of a fly.

Carson Cistulli's Pants
Guest
Carson Cistulli's Pants
1 year 11 months ago

My fly get bulging eyes at the mere thought of Corey Kluber.

Stevie Wonder
Guest
Stevie Wonder
1 year 11 months ago

Am I the only one who saw that coming?

dlk1100
Guest
dlk1100
1 year 11 months ago

LAYERS

Joe Montana
Guest
Joe Montana
1 year 11 months ago

Freedom and democracy are for losers. Just NEIGHING!

Soup
Guest
Soup
1 year 11 months ago

Why won’t that last picture load?

Tark
Guest
Tark
1 year 11 months ago

It would be kinda scary if it did

MustBunique
Member
Member
1 year 11 months ago

Corey No-smile leads a squadron of Zombie eagles into baseball battle? Sign me up.

The Ghost Of The Dove That Randy Johnson Killed
Guest
The Ghost Of The Dove That Randy Johnson Killed
1 year 11 months ago

That last picture looks very familiar.

Jiminy Cricket
Guest
Jiminy Cricket
1 year 11 months ago

lolz

JRM
Guest
JRM
1 year 11 months ago

Man, what a bandwagon jumper Cistulli is. Not a peep out of him regarding Kluber until Corey’s destroying all humans, then some light photoshopping. I come here for prescient analysis, and there was nothing ever said about Corey Kluber before today. I am sad about this.

A good writer would sometimes be right in all this fringe prospect stuff; I mean, I’d expect at least one comment on Charlie Blackmon before this year from a competent writer. New, much shorter Wiki entry: Carson “Bandwagon” Cistulli of Paris, France, writes about players who have become good.

Shame on you, Carson. Shame.

ExpoMan
Member
ExpoMan
1 year 11 months ago

no JR, he’s been telling use about Klub diggy for a while, the movement on his pitches has hitters seeing dog style…..

jcxy
Guest
jcxy
1 year 11 months ago

Ha, love it!

Jason Lukehart
Guest
1 year 11 months ago

Corey Kluber joined Koufax, the Big Unit, Pedro, and a few others to become only the tenth pitcher since 1914 (which is when monthly splits are available for) to record 60+ strikeouts in a calendar month while walking fewer than 10.

There’s more about it here, if you’re interested:

http://www.letsgotribe.com/2014/6/3/5770746/best-month-roger-clemens-randy-johnson-pedro-martinez-corey-kluber

He also set a franchise record for highest K/9 for a month, with 12.56.

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