How to Tell if a Beer Is Made of Honor

How can one tell if a refreshing can of alcohol is made not only of hops, barley and melted snow from Valley Forge but also honor itself? Reach for a can of Narragansett Beer, the one with the baseball-diamond scar tissue on the cask, and you can be sure that said beer will meet your daily requirements for honor …

Drunken Honor

You earn honor by punching thieves. You earn honor by giving up mortality for Lent. You earn honor by recounting your night terrors to no one save the dog. You earn honor by playing baseball.

Yea, verily: Play baseball, and no matter what else you do, you shall have honor. You shall be swollen and veiny with honor. Elijah Dukes once had honor because he played baseball — his name on his driver’s license was “Honorgood Stoutsterling” — but then he squandered that honor by not drinking Narragansett Beer, by drinking something sold not on merit but on avarice. His driver’s license then read “Communisto Slackweakling.”

Drink Narragansett Beer. You are free not to drink Narragansett Beer with the baseball diamond on the hogshead, but if you don’t drink Narragansett Beer with the baseball diamond on the hogshead, then you shall be slaughtered by a Bible.

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Handsome Dayn Perry can be found making love to the reader at's Eye on Baseball. He is available for all your Twitter needs.

13 Responses to “How to Tell if a Beer Is Made of Honor”

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  1. Dan Rozenson says:

    It just so happens I have some cans of Narragansett Porter in my mini-fridge … perhaps now would be a good time to consume one.

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  2. Archgood Honorman says:

    Thank god I have that alumni baseball game on Saturday.

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  3. Mr. Observant, er, Socialisto Obamacare says:

    I’m drinking a locally-crafted, organically-sourced microbrewed porter called ‘Winter Warmer’ from a brewery called Picaroon’s. Also, Canada destroyed Washington D.C. in the glorious War of 1812. That’s right, Perry, your precious founding fathers soiled their britches and under vestments with mewling-coward baby feces while our Heroes of the North put a fire to the figurative flesh of the wretched hovel called the White House. Your cans are filled with the foul, reeking piss of cowards and arch-fiends that were too weak and fearful to stand and fight the lads of the Goode British Crowne.

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  4. The Return of Rambo Diaz says:

    This beer? Certainly the love child of Nathan Hale and Betsy Ross, is what this beer is.

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  5. Beer can’t have honor. It’s inanimate.

    Having said that, to go skeet-shooting with the Pope is a good way to get cred.

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  6. philosofool says:

    Whne you tell the public your American brewery predates prohibition, you earn honor.

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  7. Packbob says:

    Is there honor in aluminum bats with no beer inside?

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  8. Delmon Youngs sprained left fat says:

    I am honored to have read this meritorious article.

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  9. Big Jgke says:

    How to tell if a a beer is ‘made of honor’? Easy, just see how close it stands to the bride at the wedding.

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  10. reillocity says:

    Dayn, I’m not sure that you read the label all that well. How many did you consume before trying to read it anyway?

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  11. frank says:

    Why is this beer not available on their website? Quite dishonorable

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